You Better Have Some Cake.

'BOOM!' The follow up to Alexis Jordan's first (utterly glorious) single has arrived and it is quite to very good on the Goodness Barometer, of Goodometer, if you will. Accompanied by a video that has all the subtlety and sophistication of a GCSE Drama Devised piece, screamingly obvious symbolism that keeps making my head translate the chorus of 'good, good girl' into 'virgin, virgin whore' - which is slightly worrying- it is not a deflatory, disappointing development (need to book self into Alliteration Rehab.) It is also not a ballad, which is a relief.

Reasons why this is good:

• Aforementioned (apocryphal) Marie Antoinette/Mini Viva style euphemism concerning cake, that also sounds like a vague threat.
• The decision to use either a very closely replicated but slightly altered version of the bass/ background chorus synth found on BEP's "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" or the original, continuing the Jordan campaign's deft use of sampling and reappropriation (!!)
• The verses that seem to draw on the rather cocksure, arrogant sentiments found in Keri Hilson's "Pretty Girl Rock" and the musical throb of Jamelia's (masterpiece) "Something About You".
• The line 'Even though there's blood on the floor" that just sounds like some sort of tampon and clubbing related calamity, and like someone needs to grab a mop.
• Incorporation of geeky glasses, making her look like some adorable extra in Saved By The Bell.
• Her general stunningness, ginger hair, smile etc. etc. *gushes (verbally) until trousers fall off*
• The energetic Hopscotch/"Jig of Life" dance routine.

Things that get in the way of its goodness:

• Male dancer in ridiculous hat. Pointless and silly. Although the hat made me think of Jamelia (AGAIN) and her debut single in which the video budget only stretched to a Yankees baseball cap, but, even in its early Noughties skint-throwaway-pop-minimalism was amazing because the song was a much more pleasant, musical form of the Bubonic Plague (in that it was infectious, not that you only got it through rat contact or that it resulted in armpit boils, decay and widespread death). This then prompted the question (why should I be allowed to write ever jk jk lolorollol) as to whether Alexis Jordan is an American Jamelia, mainly due to her inclusion of hats, lack of video budget, amazing songs and Burger King Whopper voice.
• Lack of gays. Most things in life suffer from this deficiency. Also this. This would also improve the lesbianosity of her featured Harley.
• Some of the naff dresses which look like they're from the 'Pixie Lott for Lipsy' collection.
• The slightly awkward looking female dancer on the far right- our far right, not hers.

Very good.

Singles of the Year '10!

It took a year off last year, but here returneth our Very Fave Singles of the Past 12 Months. This was also a zine-only exclusive, but seeing as we don't anticipate printing any more off any time soon, you zine-slackers can get it right here!
"Better Than Love" - Hurts
The first song we heard in 2010 to a) give us full-on shivers and b) reassure our worries and tell us this year was going to be a good one for pop. Hurts are the injection of Pet Shop Boys-at-a-funeral that we all need, and this song more than anything else on the album gives the listener that rush of excitement and sheer joy that we so crave. The middle eight towards the end should be the standard to write all future middle eights by.

"Momma's Place" - Róisín Murphy
A strong contender for the funniest and fiercest songwriting of 2010, “Momma's Place” was Róisín's only foray into music this year but is a fine example of quality over quantity. A powerful bass-heavy opening leads into a “Mark my words, you'll see”-style ode to her child, providing an interesting alternative to the unconditional love of Kelis‟ “Acapella”.

"XXXO" - M.I.A.
Not the follow-up hit to “Paper Planes” that might have pleased her record label, but never mind. “XXXO” is a dark disco-ish R&B number, that, well… sort of defies description. Hooky, fun, and quotable as hell it'll go down in history as an underrated gem. Try not to fall for the lines “you're tweeting me like tweety bird on your iPhone” or “I can be the actress, you be Tarantino”.

"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
We're ginormous fans of Annie Lennox, which is a factor we can only presume helped considerably when we first heard this track. We love “Your Love”, and if you've been with us for the entirety of the zine, you'll know we love the Minaj too. With lyrical themes revolving around samurai and geisha, we were more than happy to keep this beautiful mid-tempo ditty on loop for the majority of the past twelve months. If you don‟t like Minaj after hearing this song, you probably never will.

"Happiness" - Alexis Jordan
What happens when you put a quasi-Whitney-Leona-style ballad on top of a Deadmau5 sample? A fabulous wave-your-hands-in-the-air-and-feel-the-love anthem quite simply. We haven't even discussed this summer soundtrack on the blog, which is rather baffling, but if record labels continue to insist on using pre-pubescent popstars, we'll put up with it if we keep getting productions like this.

"Shampain" - Marina and the Diamonds
Marina hasn't had quite the stellar year she, or her team, probably had hoped for. She still hasn't broken into foreign territories and none of her singles went top 10. Never matter, though. On “Shampain”, she used the topic of drunkedness to sing about celestial angels, over a beat that practically glitters. Scathing sarcasm has never sounded so joyous.

"Dancing On My Own" - Robyn
Best song of the year, no further discussion needed. Tear-inducing, stomach-punching, throat
-grabbing; a Robyn-flavoured brand of desperately sad euphoria. Has been known to actually make people burst out crying in nightclubs. Which we believe, was the original aim. That synthesised pounding heart-beat will stick with us for years to come.

"Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
Either Katy Perry is a brilliant, brilliant songwriter capable of moments of pure pop genius, or the team behind her is. Either way, “Teenage Dream” took us all back to the most romantic moments of or adolescence, whether they happened or not. Giddy, wide-eyed, euphoric, almost flawless. If Ms. Russell Brand ever releases another song as good as this it’ll be a full-blown miracle.

"Tightrope" - Janelle Monáe (feat. Big Boi)
We defy you not to dance to this. If you can get from start to finish without even tapping or shuffling your foot about, then you’re clinically dead, or something. And that horn section! Exhilarating. Monáe released one of the most bemusing and epic albums of the year, but as this song proved, she could shine in short form too.

"Acapella" - Kelis
Never one to do what’s expected of her, Kelis worked with some of the world’s most ubiquitous dance producers (David Guetta etc.) and then came out with… this! No one else could or would release it: a pulse-quickening house anthem about the wonder of life as seen through new motherhood. At first we weren’t sure if the minimal production worked, but we soon realised it was perfect.

Sorry Sorry Sorry, I'm Coming Down to Fix This.

So I think this is marvellous. As the S&N contributor with the least musical expertise and most questionable taste, I always feel hesitant about voicing opinions, feelings, potentially embarrassing emotive gushings etc. relating to music. But, as I said before, I think this has the knees of the bees. The bees that have knees? Do bees even have knees? If they did, or do, or could one day have some, they would be this song. It probably wouldn't function well as a connective joint facilitating movement between two clusters of ligament and bone in an animalian appendage, but it could try.

As a pop song it fares far more auspiciously. It has a hummy bit that suggests some sort of restoration-era fan-fluttering intrigue, a climbing, expansive chorus that transitions from gentle, floating introspection to massive, euphoric belting and a lead up to it that is all choppy, harmonised and major key. It sounds like it could have come from the very beginning of the millennium, but still manages to sound current with the sampled Deadmau5 beats (? synths? beating synths? two hearts beating together?) thrumming underneath it. Perhaps its the sampling of that particular chord structure that gives it such variety, and allows it to move so freely, or perhaps its down to the songs production, handled by Stargate - who have also worked with Rihanna and were behind Katy Perry's "Firework" - another corker.

But what I love, almost more than the song itself (which is a catchy shrimp (????! shrimp?! of a thing), is the video. The slightly if not significantly dodgy CGI, the slightly surreal futuristic look of it, reminiscent of someone fusing The Cell and Bedtime Story together and adapting the result for a Theatre In Education performance at a children's nursery, the prevalence of super shiny tin cans not just by themselves but as assembled works of art. So cryptic, so bizarre. It looks like it could sit quite comfortably next to JLo's 'Play' from 2001 with its DLR car prototypes, moving benches, conveyor-belt cityscapes and curiously shifting buildings. AND WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE COMPUTERISED SILK SCARF? IS IT A SYMBOL? A VISUAL METAPHOR? A LINK BETWEEN TWO SELVES BELONGING TO DIFFERENT CHRONOLOGIES? WHAT/HOW/WHY/ CHICKEN POT PIE?

Considering that this is a single from a semi finalist from 2006's America's Got Talent, its a very strong first release. The clever sampling has ensured that "Happiness" has climbed to no. 3 in the UK singles chart, which is pretty decent for someone nearly totally unheard of. It'll be quite interesting to see how her campaign unfolds: will they stick with the euphoric club sound or eschew cohesive production to emphasise the considerable vocal talents of 18 year old (!!!!) Alexis? Will they give her a strong visual and genre specific identity (is that a priority in an artist so young?), or will she be a one hit wonder? Will she go on to create more knees for bees?