UPDATE! UPDATE! STOP PRESS!!!!!!!!

You thought John Barrowman's performance at the Royal Variety Performance was awkward and corny... GET A LOAD OF THIS.

It's Canadian-looking Josh Groban off-of American Mums' Wanking Fantasies with Last Choir Standing winners Only Men Aloud (christ!) singing Anthem off-of Chess off-of the men off-of ABBA.

It's HILARIOUS/amazing. Josh couldn't LOOK more uncomfortable, and he quite literally "busts a gut" on several occasions. The best bit, however, is when the choir come in. There's some twinky type with hairdressing-intern hair warbling in falsetto and a set of boys from Eton all singing so loudly and proudly that they all resemble contestants in an invisible cock-sucking competition.

MASTERPISS

If Madonna needs any help with ideas for her next world tour she need look no further than this:

This, ladies and genteeelmanz, is John Jack Barrowmanz performing his single, cheesetastic What About Us, at the Royal Variety Performance.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS.

The choreography. The white-clad couples dancing in the mist. The autumnal leaves drifting slowly down in the background.

This performance would not look amiss on an episode of Top of the Pops from the 70s. GENIARSE.