NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Kelly Clarkson has taken one of the best pop songs of the year and has committed a dirty protest ALL OVER IT via the evil dark magic of Flash Mobs. That's right, what started as a surreal, exhilarating, modern phenomenon has morphed into advertising shorthand for connectivity and modern-day all-encompassing globalisation-based feelings of overwhelming love. IT IS HORRID AND IT HAS RUINED THE VIDEO. What is this, a cynical attempt at creating a viral hit? An attempt to be contemporary and relevant? The song is a sort of delicate empowerment ballad and it has been ruined and cheapened.

Stunning

2011 has NOT been a banner year for mainstream pop. It's been a great year for Grand Dames of Popular Music Innovation to stage a comeback (Kate Bush, Björk, Tori Amos, PJ Harvey) but it hasn't been a great year for mainstream pop. It's been the year that Lady GaGa decided that maybe she was established enough to start shifting (extremely slowly, we might add) left of centre. The year that Beyoncé decided creating a sonically cohesive and mildly odd (by her standards anyway) album was more important than number 1 hits. The year Rihanna has (so far, at any rate) neglected to release a new album (thus far). The year Robyn and P!nk took much needed hiatuses. A year free of any new Madonna music.

So, it falls, bizarrely, to pop/rock American sweetheart Kelly Clarkson to release one of the best pop-in-the-classic-sense singles of the year. It doesn't sound quite like anything else in the chart. It doesn't have the horrid, scrapey syncopated synths that have characterised ravey, post-dubstep, horrid chart lolpop. But neither is it a po-faced, overly-sincere club member of The New Boring (two movements outlined in Peter Robinson's excellent Guardian article).

It has a traditional Mournful Verse, Big Chorus. It is catchy. Its production doesn't particularly rip anything off (except maybe the xx a little bit). It is a little phial of pure euphoria. Thank you Kelly.



Btw there are lots more of these where this came from on her new album, Stronger, out now (in all good branches of ASDA). Do not be fooled by the dull, simpering, country-ish lead single.

A 'classy' Kelly Clarkson video...

'Classy' isn't necessarily what you'd expect from a Kelly Clarkson video, but it's what her record label wants and so that's what you're going to get. Apparently (ALLEGEDLY) Kelly didn't want this song to be the next single, because she was worried people might think she'd ripped off Beyoncé when in fact Ryan Tedder had just been lazy and given the same track to two different people. Either way, what you get is a lovely, almost Sarah McLachlanesque song of heartbreak, with the obvious R-Tedder element almost obscured by gently scrubby strings. Oh about the video... it's boring, isn't it?

Pretty Clarkson!

We love Kelly Clarkson at any weight, and our primary concern with her is that she is happy, although if she could continue to churn out amazing pop/rock Max Martin/Dr. Luke songs for the rest of her life, that would make us happy too. With that out of the way, can we just say that, as lovely as she looks here, all this ridiculous weight yo-yoing cannot be good for her health. Seriously. Just pick a weight that makes you happy, Kelstar, and stick to it.

A confusing Kelly Clarkson video...

We don't quite 'get' the concept of this.

Stuck In Our Head: "One Minute" - Kelly Clarkson

My December, Clarkson's 3rd (was it third?) studio album was not quite the grebo catastrophe that some people will have you believe, but it was certainly less listenable than, say, Breakaway, which is probably the most listenable album she'll ever release.

ANYWAY... this got stuck in our head yesterday and it's not bad. You can sort of sing the Noisettes song over the introduction if you're clever.

Sigh.

We're not even sure if this is news, but the world of music is moving so ridiculously slow right now, this is about as good as it gets.

Yes, yes it's the new Kelly Clarkson single cover for the new Kelly Clarkson single and it's about a week old, probably but look at it! It's got pretty colours, a strange feathered bodice and enough photoshopping to last Mariah the rest of her life (that was obvious wasn't it?).

Anyway... this brightly coloured piece of nonsense is going to have to do for now, because until Little Boots reveals her new single/album artwork or video, or Beyoncé releases some official photos of her divalicious new tour, or Florence & The Machine decides to prove us haters all wrong by releasing something both interesting, beautiful and as eccentric as she'd like us to believe, we're all out of "news".

Sorry, folks.

Stuck In Our Head: "Don't Let Me Stop You" - Kelly Clarkson

It's probably the best song off her new album. It's a darn good pop/rock stomper about telling someone if they don't really like you they can fuck off and waste someone else's time. Although this being Kelly Clarkson she would never use the word 'fuck' and instead says things like "this is going to sound kind of silly".

Well yes... it does sound a bit silly but there you go. That's mainstream-American-radio-pleasing "rock" for you.

A Verdict of Sorts

We (might) possibly have heard the new Clarkson album and the jury are still officially out.

On one hand the work doesn't cover any new ground AT ALL. Whatsoever. It's basically exactly the same, musically, as her past efforts. A couple of 'quirky' and probably expensive production touches don't essentially save it from sounding like ground already trod.

On the other hand, the consistently brilliant quality of these euphoric, break-up, pop/rock anthems is such that you can't really complain. Seriously... 11 out of 14 (YES, FOURTEEN) of these tracks sound like global smash hit singles.

On the third hand... trying to wallow through almost an HOUR'S worth of this emotive and dramatic pop does sort of drain one emotionally.

A plotless Kelly Clarkson video...

We can't really remember what happens in this video because it's not the most interesting one of all time.

It is, however, pleasant.

We quite like how Kelly spends the entire video annoying a man for laughs.

Beyond that no feelings arise.