Stuck in Our Head: "Hit 'Em Wit Da Hee" - Missy Elliott

We've had the immaculate video version of this song for years and have spent many hours marvelling at it's flawless use of the practically sacred "Jòga" strings (we reckon that was Timbaland's idea, he's such a Björk stan), however only recently did we discover the original. The harsh and hypnotic guitar string sound in the chorus is hypnotic and our hips suddenly think they're a pair of serpents at a serpent party - maybe a prom or perhaps a Quinceañera. More importantly, MAKE A NEW ALBUM FOOL.

Silly Gurn O'Clock...

We were going to post this ages and ages and ages ago when it first surfaced on the internet but every fucking version of it we found on youtube was 'embedding disabled by request' so we didn't. We're not the biggest fans of the song (it'll do) and the whole 'plot' is completely stupid/pointless/redundant because WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT and overall it's just a 'totes' forgettable experience. HOWEVER, there is one notable aspect and that's Timbaland's continually silly faces. What is he playing at? It is totally beyond us. We would say something witty, but the gurns and tics are hilarious enough on their own, they need no embellishment. Below are two more 'vids' for two more Timbaland videos for songs with Drake and Justin Timberlake, respectively. Maybe he's trying that thing of releasing every song on the album as a single in the desperate hopes that something will stick.

The Timbaland album: *ooooh! sequins!*

We were going to review the Timbaland album for you (y'know, tell you what it's all about) but having listened to it a couple times we've almost compLETEly forgotten what it's like. Well it can't have been that good, can it? In the absence of anything useful to say, we'll leave you with this: the JoJo song (above) is pretty much the only one we're coming back to for repeated listen (other than the current single) and, surprisingly, the Katy Perry song is fairly bearable and has a memorable tune.

Oh and FYI: Timbo appears to have gotten worse at rapping. Well you can't have everything, can you?

What literal fresh hell...?

Pros:

• Soshy, once she makes an effort, in the second 'set-up' looks both gorgeous and 'fierce'. Love a girl with a tacky arm tattoo, a beret and some killer lipstick.
• The track is quite good, with a nifty chorus.
• When Soshy (we think it's pronounced like 'so-shy' but we want to pronounce it 'soshy' like 'sloshy' without the l) speaks in French, the gurrrrl-ometer goes through the fucking roof. Fire!
  

Cons:

• The terrible (lack of) plot.
• The introduction and epilogue - most pointless and meaningless ever?
• Timbaland's 'acting' - i.e. GURN FACE.
• The Anna Paquin-knockoff's acting - i.e. execrable.
• The Bill-the-vampire-knockoff's acting - i.e. très camp.
• The whole True Blood meets Twishite melting pot of awful (we love True Blood, 'btw').
• The styling - mediocre at best.
• The direction - static, stilted, inconsistent and lacking in flair.
• Almost the whole video.