Could Akon get any creepier?

Whilst we admire (!) Akon's story telling skills (he artfully employs narrative in this pearlescent masterpiss above) we are almost a little repulsed by his new single, "Nosy Neighbour". It's about being a nasty perv spying on "the best creation of woman that I ever saw in a long, long time". If that's not stunning, Romantic poetry to your ears then we don't know what is. Move over, Keats, the sedge hath withered from the lake because Akon sings.

We could do a lyrical analysis and break this all down for you, but quite honestly the lyrics 'literally' (not literally, actually) speak for themselves. They are gross, they are a bit sort-of 'horny, lads-mag version of Rear Window' and they are the most geniarse thing since Peter Andre put 'pen' to 'paper'. Here the lyrics appear revised but unexpurgated:

my binoculars on, alone,
staring out of my window,
i see the best creation of
woman that i ever saw in
a long, long time

some say it is wrong
but what if she knows
that i am spying on her
would she strip down
naked and entertain me

oh my god she's doing it

taking it off

she's getting naked

she threw her shirt
(off on the floor)
then threw her bra
(off on the floor)
then threw her skirt
(off on the floor)
then threw her drawers
(off on the floor)

i can't believe she's getting naked
i'm waiting her, off on the floor
no topping her off on the floor
no stopping her off on the floor

she knows im watching her, off on the floor...

*shudders, feels vom rising in throat, develops eye twitch, ends it all*

Stuck In Our Head: "Sexy Bitch" - David Guetta with Akon

So far, our 'Stuck In Our Head' feature has only showcased songs that have been favourably embedded in our skulls. A bit of predictable chart dross here and there has peppered what has otherwise been a set of lovely and excellent little songs that we might otherwise not find a reason to write about. But all that is about to change (cue storm clouds).

The above 'ditty', David Guetta's latest dance smash, is not sonically execrable. In fact, with a different vocalist, a different sentiment and different lyrics, we might even come to feel a certain love for it. But Akon is an artist we have never felt particular fondness for. His proclivity for reducing women to revolving tits-on-a-pole doesn't please us at all, nor does his alleged dry-humping of an underaged girl (we said ALLEGED, SO DO NOT SUE US). Even with his 'sexist' behaviour and attitude set to one side, his nasal, vocodered tones are not 'our bag'. So it is with great sadness that we announce this dreadful ditty to be stuck in our head, because all whinging aside, it has the kind of chorus that could resurrect dead careers, and send disgraced musicians back to the top of the charts world wide.

Anyway, we'll let you judge for yourself as to whether you deem Akon's lyrics to be of the misogynist variety. We, at the very least, find them unsavoury.

"She's nothing like the girl you've ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore"

"I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
Damn, youse a sexy bitch"

*Sicks up in mouth*