Um...

If you were Jessica Biel and your famously horny boyfriend had just appeared in a video with Ciara, licking her face and having his face licked by her... wouldn't you be a bit annoyed?

We know part of a popstar's job is to make it look like they care about the people they are grinding on in music videos, when in fact they are just some random model/actor/dancer that they couldn't give a fig about, but, is it just us or does it feel like those two actual popstars actually got it on?!

We hate to slip into cliché but, their chemistry is strangely electric!

In related Ciara news... this is the video she's currently peddling with Enrique Iglesias. It's completely forgettable Synth 'n' B and so obviously going to do mildly well in the charts.

Is it really wise in these times of economic doom and gloom to be making a pointless video where one smashes lots of expensive things? It's a bit sort of rubbing it in everyone else's faces...

"Oooh look how rich we are... even in credit crunch times we can completely wreck an expensive set full of expensive props for no reason at all! Oooh aren't we rich."

What's also funny is that for live promotional appearances, Enrique has been singing this with Gabriella fucking Cilme instead of Ciara! Sort of a bit like when Kardinal Offishall performed Numba 1 (Tide Is High) in the Nottingham University canteen and they roped in her off of N-Dubz because Keri Hilson was obviously too busy.

That's even weirder because Keri Hilson was only filling in video duties because Rihanna, who was on the album version, clearly couldn't make the video shoot.

It gets more convoluted, viewers, because the demo version features Nicole Hotdogwiener, who was obviously too busy jumping on the Slumdog bandwagon to attend the album recording session.

See! 'Pop' is anything but simple.

MadgeWatch

At the Dodgers Stadium in the sunny City of Angels, Madonna invited her princess and prince of pop on stage to mostly grind and to a lesser extent, briefly share some of her wondrous limelight and aura.

Much reported by now, but for a few minutes lets soak it in together and appreciate this moment. Madonna and Britney Spears on stage, together. Strolling on stage during the last third of "Human Nature", Britney joined Madge for a few "Express yourself, don't repress yourself"s, before (apparently) singing the now infamous refrain "It's Britney, bitch". Well.. actually.. was it all that? We're sorry to report it wasn't. We won't pretend we didn't go into hyperhomoexcitement overdrive when we saw the video on YouTube but it wasn't as fierce as it could have been... we mean... we know it's Madonna's show, and it's her job to, but she STILL carried that performance all on her own. It was Britney's first live performance since that dreadful VMAs 'comeback', and she strolled on in a lesbian tuxedo! COME ON BITCH, TRANNY IT UP A LITTLE! It's a shame that Britney didn't actually bring anything to the performance. She lipsynched to the recorded-in-July lines she sings in the show (in case you didn't already know, Britney cameos in this performance even when she isn't actually there, in the form of video screens shot by Steven Klein), and we mean, considering this performance was Madonna's effort to show the world that Britney is back in business, SHE COULD HAVE AT LEAST SAID "IT'S BRITNEY BITCH" HERSELF INSTEAD OF LIPSYNCHING A G A I N.

It really does fuck us off when we see these fantastic opportunities for true showbusiness amazingness completely missed.

While Britney gave nothing to "Human Nature", we're happy to report Justin gave everything to "4 Minutes".


Admittedly, Justin had a lot more to work with, considering he was actually featured in the original song, but his appearance transformed a previously quite limp exhibition into a truly faithful and explosive rendition of the album version, something Madonna succeeded in doing with many other Hard Candy songs in the show ("She's Not Me" and "Beat Goes On" for example). This is pure and simply down to the performance being just a little bit iffy when it's Madonna singing to and grinding with video screens with Justin on them. When we saw the show ourselves, we couldn't help but feel a bit empty after seeing it, considering it's one of our most listened to songs on iTunes and one of our least favourite performances of the show. This isn't necessarily Madonna's fault though, because there's only so much you can do with video screens.

What Madonna could have done was re-organise the performance of the song, and not just lift it from her Hard Candy Promo Tour back in May. She could have removed Justin entirely from the song - possibly upsetting him in the process but making the performance of the song a million times more seamless and impressive - and made it a complete Madonna track, singing all the lyrics, and choreographing a fabulous routine with her dancers.

However, that was not meant to be. It's sure to say that the Dodgers Stadium was a very magical place to be last night, with two of pop's biggest icons joining THE pop icon on stage. From YouTube videos, reports and photos, I can see it went down a storm, but did Justin and Britney performing highlight weaknesses and flaws in Madonna and her show, or did they genuinely bolster the wow factor and help send that many more fans away from the show with their jaws dropping? We'd say a bit of both.

In other Madge news, the "Miles Away" single remixes have leaked, and unsurprisingly the Thin White Duke Remix comes out trumps. Don't expect to hear "Miles Away" as done by Stuart Price; this is not his chance to transform Hard Candy into a "what I would have done" situation, but it's as if Stuart had never worked with Madonna before and was purely remixing an already brilliant track. It's quite clubby in parts, but very listenable and easily catches the essence of the song. You should check it out.

Bai!