Smoking mirrors all around

Not quite on the level of disco sleaze "Every Night I Say a Prayer" managed to reach but a worthy follow up nonetheless. The radio edit is dripping in Nile Rodgers (see below) funk and bass, which if anything continues to show that Vicky Hesk definitely knows her stuff about dance, but the Todd Edwards Remix lifts and pushes in all the right moments. Get on it.

A tale of two videos

We have a dissertation due in just over a week so we're gonna keep this brief y'all. Two popstars, both severely lacking in the personality department but generally quite likeable. One writes and produces her own stuff - evidently talented - yet consistently has terrible luck in the charts. The other does absolute jack-shit but still manages to score consecutive top five hits without taking her pinkie from her L'Oreal sponsored mane.

The video for "Every Night I Say a Prayer" was clearly on a budget - she did release it for free so we can't give her too much of a hard time - and pretty much consists of her weaving in and out of some fierce queens giving great vogue. She looks a bit older than she is, maybe it's the eyebrows? We're very satisfied with it though and can't quite understand the outpouring of disgust it's provoked online. Free - amazing - single, Little Boots, vogueing. Don't need much more.

Cheryl's latest, "Call My Name" (or "We Found Love v2.0", whichever you prefer) is a catchy earworm which will undoubtably be all over the charts/radios for the next few weeks. Does that mean we like it? Not sure. It's 'okay'. We'd happily watch the glossy, atrociously aesthetically-pleasing video a few more times but it's not something we'd slap on our iPhones. And there you go.

Now piss off, we've got another 1000 words to write today.

I have seen into the future, I want you to take me there...

1. Melancholic house piano
2. Blissfully romantic lyrics
3. Production which wouldn't have sounded out of place in 1992 or 2012

And there you have it. The positively exquisite new Little Boots track, co-written and produced with Hercules & Love Affair. We probably could've got an exclusively Shiny & New interview with LB last month but we were absolutely fucked off our tits so we could only manage a photo in which she looks terrified :(

In other news, this is fucking amazing and terribly exciting considering how long she's been off the scene. More more more!

A 'pleasant enough' Little Boots video...

To be honest, we have no idea what we would have done differently with this. At least you can be thankful that:

1. As in the "Remedy" video, she's being herself and playing the keyboard in space, not pretending to be Britney.
2. It's pretty to look at, if not world-changing.
3. There are some space explosions.

So all in all, it could be worse, readers. It could ALWAYS be worse.

About time, too.

We've been listening to "Earthquake" by Little Boots for so long, that when we first added it to our iTunes it was called "Every Little Earthquake" (IT HAD A DIFFERENT NAME THAT IS HOW LONG). We hate to admit we've calmed down a bit on the Boots-love front, but this is still one of the most solidly good pop songs written/released this year and we're chuffed it's a single. It was even number 1 (for two weeks) on our very own Hot Right Now chart a while back, so clearly we have great taste (cue everyone telling us we have shit taste).

A 'Little Boots' Little Boots video...

• This is a vast improvement on the video for "New in Town".
• It suits Little Boots a lot more.
• Nevertheless, it's still fairly dull.
• We'd like to see the original video they shot.
• It had exploding glass in it.
• And Gareth Pugh-alike styled backing dancers.
• And a glittery cumshot for eyeshadow.
• :(
  

More Bad News for a Monday morning, OR, Too Little Too Late: An Exercise in Inherent Stupidity.

There are a million reasons why this advert, above, for Little Boots' stellar debut album Hands is amazing. First of all there's no inane voiceover by a Radio 1 DJ. Countless TV adverts for albums have been ruined by Jo Whiley announcing that "THIS is the unMISSable sound of [insert forgettable indie band here]". Even the adverts for Lady GaGa's The Fame have been disappointingly mundane, which is just unbelievable when you consider she already had a ready-made, flawlessly conceived mini-promo-film that is so unique and delicious compared to other album promos, it's a crime it wasn't used.

But no, this (above) is fantastic. It announces Little Boots as a big, synthy, disco delight. It announces her as an event not to be missed. It gives her mystery and depth. We could write our university dissertation on what went 'wrong' with the Little Boots campaign, but instead we're just going to offer up this... Ms. Boots has always asserted that she wanted to be big and mainstream. Even when she was in her bedroom doing piano covers of Alphabeat songs, she wanted to be big and mainstream. And she could have been, and she still COULD be. But for that to happen, her label have to handle her with the kind of big, almost hyperbolic spunk that they have in the advert above! They can't shy away from her DIY unicorn-procreating-with-a-glass-prism artwork and aesthetics. They can't SOLELY meekly promote her via glossy middle-class media channels like Jools Holland, some tube posters and a couple of broadsheets. If that TV advert had been circulating back in March, followed by the release of "New in Town" accompanied by a video of her stomping around at night followed by disco divas (not tramps!!!!) she might be well on her way to a platinum selling album and assured future success.

Popjustice, who often hit the nail right on the head, wrote something about her label almost seeming embarrassed by her. And we can't help but get this feeling too. Boots herself has never shied away from her aspirations towards mainstream success, nor has she ever attempted to be 'edgy' or 'indie'. If her label wanted to get it right, they should have picked ONE thing and gone for it, instead of ending up with a strange, contrived campaign that feels like it has the monetary backing of a major label deal, with aspirations towards niche, hipster success. It hasn't worked.

We love Little Boots and we think she makes fantastic music, but she should have been LITTLE BOOTS: POPSTAR from the start. Not Little Boots, indie keyboard hipster with inexplicably expensive music video meaning nothing.

*Bangs head on wall*

This comes at the same time as news that her video for "Remedy" which, quite frankly, looked like what she needed, has been scrapped and a new one shot.

Pretty artwork.

Nothing more, nothing less.

(Edit: it's only the 'promo' artwork. This is the 'real' one...)

A glittery cumshot

Little Boots' new video looks more exciting than her last one was.

1st Amazing Pop Album of the Year ALERT!!!!

No, it's not La Roux. Nor is it Luigi Masi (google him... or, er, don't... he's terrible, but we'll save that for another day). It's LITTLE BOOTIES. Yes. Little Boots.

We've said some confused and borderline mean things about poor Miss Victoria Bootles in the past and actually deleted one overlong and bloated post when we realised we'd been spewing mean, contrived bollocks. So now we've come running back into Ms. Petites Bottes' arms to say WE'RE SORRY. WE LOVE YOU.

Basically, Hands, her official debut album (there have been a million 'tastemaking' EPs) is available to listen on her myspace and we fully encourage a swizz, followed, preferably by you actually BUYING IT AND NOT STEALING IT FOR FREE YOU CRIMINAL CUNTS. It is also amazing. There have been various things in question about La Boots over her inimitable climb to dizzy hype heights. "She's not an electric live performer", "Her voice is odd", "She's sold out", "Her video is boring"... and whilst all of those things hold some vague semblance of validity, they also don't.

The thing about Victoria Hesketh is that when she started out she seemed, completely by accident, to actually be very cool. All that stuff about crystals and magic and lights and unicorns and triangles and discoballs. And by the time the Massive Hype Machine du Angleterre and her record label were done with her, they'd basically squeezed a lot of this out of her by forcing her to spend almost every second of her waking hours writing with TOP PRODUCERS and ATTENDING EVENTS. So now, it's almost impossible to connect the wide-eyed, overhyped blonde lass with a strangely cold video to the odd little pop minx from teh internet all those months ago.

Nevertheless, all this guff aside, the music is fantastic. This is one instance when we feel we should throw everything we know about Victoria as a person and as a popstar out the window (strip away the hipster layers, so to speak) and JUST concentrate on the songs. And when you do, the album is ruddy marvelous. Melodies are ten to the dozen. Harmonies and synth hooks loom out at you from EVERYWHERE. There is not a single weak song on the entire opus. Every single track is a brilliant, shimmering pop anthem. Obviously some are better than others. But still. No weak tracks. Even the bonus material ("Love Kills" and "Magical") are huge synth stompers.

Which brings us back to how we feel about Little Boots herself. Yes, she's written an album full of hugely top-notch pop songs. But are we in love with HER, or the songs?! Unfortunately, we think it may be more the songs. We don't really see Little Boots as the Kylie Minogue of her generation, as some would have had us believe. We actually see her more as the Cathy Dennis. A ridiculously and prolifically brilliant pop writer, whose epic songs are actually better off in others hands.

You may not agree with us on that point. But we hope you'll agree that whether you've fallen for Boots or not. The songs are truly magical.

Recommendations
"Love Kills" - Little Boots
"Magical" - Little Boots
"New In Town" - Little Boots

A rather disappointing Little Boots video...

Little Boots is clearly extremely talented. She's managed to write an entire album full of euphoric, unique, memorable and shimmering pop stompers. Plus she's (very) handy with a keyboard, not to mention pretty, charming and quite funny. Up until this point we were weeing with excitement about her up and coming pop career... BUT, readers, if she is starting how she means to continue then we're in for a bit of a disappointment.

In the above video she exhibits about as much star quality as a packet of Cadbury's Magic Stars. She doesn't even attempt to join in with the frenetic dancing and instead of coming off cool and glacial, she comes off rigid and nervous.

We're sure she has a hugely successful and lucrative career as a producer and songwriter ahead of her (à la Cathy Dennis) but as a popstar?! She's gonna have to try a little bit harder than this.

(We reserve the right to completely change our minds on this one).

Up-and-coming Popstars who cannot spell...

'Camden' is not a notoriously difficult word to spell. Nevertheless both Frankmusik and Little Boots have managed to spell it wrongly within the space of HOURS.

'Canden'? 'Camen'?

We fear for humanity.

No but seriously... maybe it's just so cold (as Vincent Frank was kind enough to point out) that pressing ickle dainty pop fingers onto tiny little Blackberry or iPhone keypads has resulted in badfrostbitten spelling mistakes.

Then again, maybe not.

Inneresting.

Above is a petit snapshot of what the future Little Boots video for "New In Town" shall look like. S'called a storyboard, gentle readers. We can't really tell what it's gonna be like from this but according to more photographic evidence on her website, there are (dancing?) tramps and aerial shots and a daring backless turquoise dress.

We await with eager anticipation. It'd better be more interesting than that last La Roux video.

COVERART WARZZZZ! Part #3

Or, the Inevitable 'Sound of 2009' pop tartlet faceoff. Both Little Boots and La Roux are good pop things and we're quite excited for their debut albums. We don't really think they're anything alike, other than their stage names both start with the letter "L", but let's pointlessly compare their album artwork anyway.



Possible 'Iconic' Factor:
La Roux: 8/10 (rather striking and memorable)
Little Boots: 5/10 (busy but has potential)

Amazing/Silly Hair Factor:
La Roux: 9/10 (big, ginger minge, err... fringe)
Little Boots: 4/10 (Swiss Princess Leia)

Typography:
La Roux: 6/10 (interesting font and nice logo consistency)
Little Boots: 4/10 (hardly memorable, is it, readers?)

Photoshop Skillzzzzzzz:
La Roux: 7/10 (Elly looks shiny and robotic)
Little Boots: 8/10 (sexy space explosion)

And the winner is...
La Roux... although we're looking forward to Little Boots' album more, for the record.

Start as you mean to go on, Little Boots...

This whole Sound of 2009 thing has been so irritating this year. Even more irritating than last year, readers... and do you know WHY!?

Because it's been moving so FUCKING slowly.

Last year we were sick to the teeth of hearing about Duffy, Adele and the Ting Tings before 2008 had even started but at least their musical plans for world domination were well underway by Easter time.

NOT SO THIS YEAR.

Despite the fact that we actually LOVE quite a few of the Sound of 2009 finalists (GaGa, Frankmusik, Little Boots, La Roux etc.) we are sick of having to WAIT for things. We are impatient people.

So it is with great happiness that we unveil the new artwork for Little Boots' first PROPER single, "New In Town". She's about to film the video in L.A. and before long we shall know if all the hype has paid off.

All we can say is: Victoria, we hate to stress you any more than you are already stressed but PLEASE make it good.

We like the above artwork. It's v. nice. Carry on like this plz.

Sad face

Apparently Little Boots' debut album will be called...

*drum roll*

*another drum roll*

*third drum roll*

Hands.

Yes, that's right. Hands. The magic-obsessed, witchy, wizard, space-loving, Buffy-addict that is Little Boots is calling her album Hands. We're hoping this is an error on the behalf of whichever webshite announced it, but we fear it's not.

We're still looking forward to the album because, from what we've already heard, it features a lot of songs, all of which have a chorus so shimmering and euphoric you will be getting shivers for months after listening. Also because the cover MAY or MAY NOT contain Ms. Boots wearing a vintage Vivienne Westwood dress, and this is always something to get excited about.

Let's just hope she gets this whole debut single/single artwork/music video thing right, or there'll be hell to pay.

HURRY THE FUCK UP

Little Boots is a very good pop thing. She is pretty, blonde, clever, plays kerazy Japanese synths and makes amazing pop songs. So far we've heard about 5 songs from her that sound like big hit singles and she's pretty much received more hype than any other new artist in Britain so far.

SO WHY ARE THINGS TAKING SO LONG.

We have no idea what Little Boots album is going to be called or even when it will be released. Why don't even know what her first single is going to be... We want to know.

We want it all, now.

We are sick of waiting.

OH NO NO NO.

This isn't quite on the level of 'Lady GaGa Impersonation Fail' but still... Little Boots you make lovely little pop music, there's no need to try and dress like Ms. GaGa.

We liked when she was on BBC Radio6 and she said her crushed velveteen shirt was inspired by Buffy Season 1. MORE OF THIS PLEASE... no more GaGa impersonation plz.

(Very) Quite Exciting!

Unfortunately we're not a big bucks music blog so no one ever tells us anything and we have to wait until things are officially confirmed for the public (or at least on wikipedia)... but we have been led to believe that that (up there) is Little Boots' (fairly amazing new popstar) first single!

It's not quite the chart busting hit of a generation that we were hoping for but it's still a fantastic little slice of pop. The chorus is instantly memorable without being banal and it manages to maintain an air of 'credibility' whilst being truly pop and fairly uplifting/danceable.

If Little Boots continues like this... it's going to be a good year for her...

(This post is pretty much null and void now, as this turned out not to be her first single! Journalism FAIL - Ed)