Oh this is brilliant...

According to Dlisted (via Metro), Lily Allen has been shooting off her mouth to magazines again. And her targets? Footballers and their wives. Haven't we been here before?!

As well as calling the Beckhams "sickening", she calls Posho Beckhamz "a monster", Ashley Cole "revolting" and footballers in general (specifically English ones) "stupid". But she really let's rip for Cheryl Cole: "She is just a bitch. She represents everything I hate. She is stupid, superficial and as ugly outside as inside."

Now, we don't want to spark the same infighting between Shiny & New writers that we did LAST time we reported on Lily Allen's rudeness and our views that she was, to be honest, just jealous... but even though we do quite agree with her that Ashley Cole is a bit of a lecherous sod and footballers in general are a bit useless: this is going too far.

She insulted Saint Cheryl!!!!!!

Now let's look at the evidence properly: Cheryl has never done anything to hurt or insult Lily Allen, in fact Cheryl Cole has never done anything to hurt or insult ANYone (except that nightclub attendant, but apparently she was asking for it and it weren't a racist attack). In fact, Cheryl Cole, during her time as National Saint du Grand Bretagne has stood up for gay people, stood up for Nicola Roberts, and blessed us all with her radiant beauty and charmingly tacky tattoos.

Lily Allen has... er... given us a few catchy tunes. But then so did Henry VIII, allegedly, and I'm not about to welcome him into my home. The point of this all is not that we HATE Lily Allen (because we don't... what we feel is closer to pity)... the point is that Lily Allen either HATES HERSELF a lot more than we previously thought, or she's really really jealous of Cheryl Cole.

You know when you're at school, and even though you're actually rather popular, you're liked for being 'funny' or 'offbeat' or 'outspoken'...? And there's another girl/boy who is slightly more popular than you, but simply for being really gorgeous and nice and you just HATE THEM because WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT YOU HAVEN'T?!? All they do is sit there looking pretty and friends FLOCK to them!?? And they're actually NICE to their friends! HOW SICKENING! How is it possible for them to be thinner, prettier, less-clever or less-funny and yet STILL MORE POPULAR. WHY? THEY ARE SHIT.

Well that's sort of what it's like, n'est-ce pas Self-Hater Allen?