Awkward...

Well this is a waste. When we saw Kelis at Shepherd's Bush Empire last year, she wowed us with her energetic dancing. No, she really did. Here is a woman potentially exhausted from rearing a small child without the benefit of a partner, and an amazing job she is doing too, and she took the stage and did not STOP for a full hour. We could not take our eyes off her, it was amazing.

Why, then, is she in this for 3 seconds, bopping awkwardly, as part of a terrible plot that goes nowhere and seems to mean nothing? Whatever.

Calvin! Kelis!

Calvin Harris, who is responsible for some very good dance pop, and Kelis, who is responsible for so many legendary moments of queendom, we can't even list them all now, are collaborating on the first official single from Harris' next body of work.

The song will be called "Bounce", a preview is above. IT SOUND SO GOOD.

Singles of the Year '10!

It took a year off last year, but here returneth our Very Fave Singles of the Past 12 Months. This was also a zine-only exclusive, but seeing as we don't anticipate printing any more off any time soon, you zine-slackers can get it right here!
"Better Than Love" - Hurts
The first song we heard in 2010 to a) give us full-on shivers and b) reassure our worries and tell us this year was going to be a good one for pop. Hurts are the injection of Pet Shop Boys-at-a-funeral that we all need, and this song more than anything else on the album gives the listener that rush of excitement and sheer joy that we so crave. The middle eight towards the end should be the standard to write all future middle eights by.

"Momma's Place" - Róisín Murphy
A strong contender for the funniest and fiercest songwriting of 2010, “Momma's Place” was Róisín's only foray into music this year but is a fine example of quality over quantity. A powerful bass-heavy opening leads into a “Mark my words, you'll see”-style ode to her child, providing an interesting alternative to the unconditional love of Kelis‟ “Acapella”.

"XXXO" - M.I.A.
Not the follow-up hit to “Paper Planes” that might have pleased her record label, but never mind. “XXXO” is a dark disco-ish R&B number, that, well… sort of defies description. Hooky, fun, and quotable as hell it'll go down in history as an underrated gem. Try not to fall for the lines “you're tweeting me like tweety bird on your iPhone” or “I can be the actress, you be Tarantino”.

"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
We're ginormous fans of Annie Lennox, which is a factor we can only presume helped considerably when we first heard this track. We love “Your Love”, and if you've been with us for the entirety of the zine, you'll know we love the Minaj too. With lyrical themes revolving around samurai and geisha, we were more than happy to keep this beautiful mid-tempo ditty on loop for the majority of the past twelve months. If you don‟t like Minaj after hearing this song, you probably never will.

"Happiness" - Alexis Jordan
What happens when you put a quasi-Whitney-Leona-style ballad on top of a Deadmau5 sample? A fabulous wave-your-hands-in-the-air-and-feel-the-love anthem quite simply. We haven't even discussed this summer soundtrack on the blog, which is rather baffling, but if record labels continue to insist on using pre-pubescent popstars, we'll put up with it if we keep getting productions like this.

"Shampain" - Marina and the Diamonds
Marina hasn't had quite the stellar year she, or her team, probably had hoped for. She still hasn't broken into foreign territories and none of her singles went top 10. Never matter, though. On “Shampain”, she used the topic of drunkedness to sing about celestial angels, over a beat that practically glitters. Scathing sarcasm has never sounded so joyous.

"Dancing On My Own" - Robyn
Best song of the year, no further discussion needed. Tear-inducing, stomach-punching, throat
-grabbing; a Robyn-flavoured brand of desperately sad euphoria. Has been known to actually make people burst out crying in nightclubs. Which we believe, was the original aim. That synthesised pounding heart-beat will stick with us for years to come.

"Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
Either Katy Perry is a brilliant, brilliant songwriter capable of moments of pure pop genius, or the team behind her is. Either way, “Teenage Dream” took us all back to the most romantic moments of or adolescence, whether they happened or not. Giddy, wide-eyed, euphoric, almost flawless. If Ms. Russell Brand ever releases another song as good as this it’ll be a full-blown miracle.

"Tightrope" - Janelle Monáe (feat. Big Boi)
We defy you not to dance to this. If you can get from start to finish without even tapping or shuffling your foot about, then you’re clinically dead, or something. And that horn section! Exhilarating. Monáe released one of the most bemusing and epic albums of the year, but as this song proved, she could shine in short form too.

"Acapella" - Kelis
Never one to do what’s expected of her, Kelis worked with some of the world’s most ubiquitous dance producers (David Guetta etc.) and then came out with… this! No one else could or would release it: a pulse-quickening house anthem about the wonder of life as seen through new motherhood. At first we weren’t sure if the minimal production worked, but we soon realised it was perfect.

Albums of the Year '10!

Originally this was printed in our INCREDIBLE ZINE (that we had many more orders for than we anticipated - thanks for that) but we thought for those of you who were too busy/forgetful/shy/lazy/stupid to order a copy, we'd let you browse our albums of the year anyway. We're nice like that. So here goes:

Swanlights - Antony & The Johnsons
If you thought it was impossible for Antony Hegarty's music to grow even more beautiful, you were wrong. Swanlights is so fragile, so delicate, so threaded through with a bittersweet despair, you find yourself unsure whether you should cry, smile or do both. The lyrics are especially and charmingly oblique, the album is like nothing else.

Flesh Tone - Kelis
A brave new direction from an artist previously well established in a rather rigid set of genre constraints, Flesh Tone reflects a desire for experimentation and new tastes… things we love. The music is certifiably incredible, with the very best producers in the field of dance moulding their sounds to fit Kelis‟ rather spectacular personality. The music is glorious, the imagery is exciting, the segues are wonderful. A brilliant album.

All Days Are Nights: Songs For Lulu - Rufus Wainwright
Wainwright may be one of the cleverest people in pop but occasionally his music is overcomplicated and his voice flat when set against his rich, ornate arrangements.
Not on this album, a pared down masterpiece borne from Rufus' grief at his mother's death. His piano playing is both modern and timeless, his songwriting: frenetic and heartbreaking.

Pink Friday - Nicki Minaj
We may still be a lil' biased due to this being the only thing we've listened to for a fortnight, but this was the biggest fresh breath of hip hop air we've taken in a very long time. Her raps are intelligent, funny, bossy and have something to actually say, while we must admit we're more than taken with her ridiculously trashy look. Her singing voice is pretty-bordering-on-quite-good, and her knack for sampling fucking good songs is more than endearing. The best vocal riff from “Don‟t You (Forget About Me)” (The Breakfast Club anyone?) is used to magical effect on “Blazin”.

Have One On Me – Joanna Newsom
How do you follow up arguably one of the greatest albums of all time? Triple it, apparently. This 3CD extravaganza is so expertly wrought it leaves you (literally) breathless. How does Newsom fold such spellbinding interlocking rhythms and melodies into eachother? How does she weave stories so meandering and heavy with meaning? An incredible achievement.

Head First - Goldfrapp
While (unusually for such musical innovators) appearing at the tail end of the brief but blissful resurgence of 80s synthesised dream pop at the end of the decade, Head First still manages to spin something new from used yarn. The soundscapes more than meet the expectations laid down by Goldfrapp's preceding reputation and body of work, with truly uplifting tunes being welcomed into their impressive canon. And the artwork is fucking gorgeous.

The Suburbs – Arcade Fire
Nostalgia for a simpler time is the theme for Arcade Fire's third album and it says a lot that it speaks so directly to someone only 20 years old. It says a lot about how fast our rapidly-developing world has changed. And it says a lot about the skill of Arcade Fire‟s songwriting – turning a semi-cliché subject from something potentially trite into something sumptuous and heartrending and bleak.

Here Lies Love - David Byrne & Fatboy Slim
We weren‟t especially knowledgeable about the work of David Byrne, Fatboy Slim or Imelda Marcos, but if you put them in a food processor (not literally lolz) and an incredibly captivating concept album featuring a plethora of fabulous all-female singers (just what we like) pops out, maybe they should work together more often. The insufferable Florence Welch becomes mildly likeable, while Martha Wainwright, Cyndi Lauper, Róisín Murphy and Tori Amos form just some of the remarkable vocal talent. “Solano Avenue” featuring the previously-unknown-to-us Nicole Atkins is a highlight.

The ArchAndroid (Suites II and III) - Janelle Monáe
Janelle Monáe careened into our lives with her stunning and effortlessly inventive EP, Metropolis (Suite I – The Chase Suite), particularly on the track “Many Moons” – a song so jampacked full of energy and a seemingly boundless set of ideas, it left us literally breathless the first time we heard it. Ohhh, we thought, what the hell was that?! It was like André 3000 had had a sex change and decided to cover Madonna's “American Life”, produced by Missy
Elliott and coached in vocal acrobatics by Kate Bush and Erykah Badu. Actually, we hate those sorts of descriptions, so totally ignore that and bear in mind that if you're not already familiar with Janelle Monáe (you should be), she's unlike anything else. Ok, one last comparison: imagine if Janet Jackson had 10 times the vocal range she does, was capable of orchestration, lyrical dexterity and obsessed with science fiction – then you might be able to picture just how incredible The ArchAndroid is…

That's the thing… Ms. Monáe is so inventive, her palette of references and influences so delightfully varied, and her voice so dextrous and skilled, that it's hard to find the words to do her work justice. This album is truly, something to savour (although not perfect, we hope future works might be shorter, with one or two filler tracks cut). The tracks blend into each other effortlessly, and especially since some of them are very long and contain many changes of pace, sometimes you don't know whether you've moved from one song to the next, or not. You enter an endless dream-world where symphony orchestras loom out at you, only to be replaced by punky guitar riffs (“Come Alive: The War of the Roses), hazy 70s prog-like ballads (“Mushrooms and Roses”) and futuristic funk.

Some believe that great music is music that does the un- expected: music that surprises. And nothing is more surprising than this album. One moment you're drifting away on a 50s “Tears on my Pillow”- style doowop ballad (the stunning “Oh, Maker”) and the next you're bobbing and writhing about to an almost pop-rock, uptempo (“Cold War”) . The album's crowning glory is its closing number, “BaBopByeYa”, the must sumptuous, stunning, sensuous, involving, dark, shudderingly good 8 minute track you'll hear all year .

There's supposedly a concept here, but as is often the case with superior concept albums, it's kind of besides the point – the music takes precedent here. Janelle Monáe's debut album is a work of such raw genius, it's hard to talk about without getting passionately speechless, it's the kind of thing you have to experience for yourself. Perhaps it'll date badly, perhaps it'll stale quickly, but one thing we know for sure: Monáe is an artist to watch and whose every move and experiment we will savour and salivate over. If you listen to only two albums from 2010 make it Robyn's Body Talk series, and this.

Body Talk - Robyn
Robyn has undoubtedly been the artist of the year, and unquestionably produced the single of the year (in the shape of “Dancing On My Own”). She's also released, alongside Janelle Monáe, the finest body of work in 2010, but her unconventional release strategy has put us in a quandary. You see, we have a chronic case of iTunes OCD, at Shiny & New towers, so Robyn's epic (in the traditional sense of the word) Body Talk series has caused us no end of grief - are they EPs? Is there an album? Is there a compilation? *head(s) explodes*

With the final, 3rd, instalment finally released, we thought that Body Talk could stand as one of the albums of the year. We wanted it to, so that we felt we had a big overarching cohesive body of work to tie 2010 together, but the officially released 15-track album didn't sound right – partly because almost every song is a heart-stopping, foot-stomping, pulse-quickening, euphoria-inducing, hip-shaking sobathon and 15 of those in a row is enough to send anyone over the edge (one needs light and shade lols)… but also because we had gotten used to each individual instalment, released as an 8 track mini- album, and their individual… erm… flavours. So this article is praising our preferred mode of listening to the Robyn songs released this year: the three separate EPs – Pt. 1, Pt. 2 and the digital-only 5-track Pt. 3:

Pt. 1 is the eclectic, masterpiece-riddled introduction to the series, veering wildly from disco (“Dancing on my Own”) to robopop (“Fembot”) to queeny reggae (“Dancehall Queen”) to dark electro (“None of Dem”), all deranged and knowing. Pt. 2 is
more cohesive, but with fewer standout highlights (although the incredible “Include Me Out” and “In My Eyes” are nothing if not memorable), much more sinuous and glitter- ing, like a gay James Bond's collective expeditions, at once dark, dangerous and intense (“Love Kills”) and then on the incredible “Indestructible (Acoustic)”, both melodramatic and romantic and yet somehow ice cold; Then the shorter and sweet(er), Pt. 3 is the poppiest, the most upbeat, jubilant , brighteyed, hopeful, not a mournful or self-pitying moment in sight – from the stompathon “Time Machine” to the heartbreaking pseudo-stalker anthem “Call Your Girlfriend”, via the über-romantic “Stars 4-ever”.

These 3 EPs may seem like they'd all slot together, but somehow, they work best (in our humble opinion) apart. Body Talk may not represent a complete or coherent album, in the traditional sense, but that doesn't matter because it's an incredible achievement. The sheer quality here is outstanding! Which other artist could expel 20 pop masterpieces in 12 months across 3 mini master- works? No one. We make the rules, so we can just as easily break them. This may not be your typical album – it may be 3 separately released ones – but that;s what makes it great. It's one of our albums of the year: a glittering abundance of tracks.

Crying, but not shaking...

We guess that means the money's run out.

Insert sad smiley face here.

No, but seriously, there are two ways you can take this. The first is that Kelis, who has been criminally underrated her entire career, is smarter, more musically talented and more interesting than almost all of the other solo female stars of her generation and that, sadly, she will only be fully appreciated after her time, when pop history is appreciated and shaped by the quality of music and sales are long forgotten.

Or the other way you can look at this is that Kelis is one of the prettiest and most interesting ladies in the world and even though this isn't what we wanted, and might benefit, as one of the best songs of the entire year, from a budget, not just tripled or quadrupled, but millionised (likes those lashes in those makeup adverts what lie to you), we should be thankful we're getting a video for this song at all, and only pray that by some fluke or miracle of fate, this becomes a surprise or sleeper hit, or at least helps flog the incredible album it comes from.

Anyway, either way, it's quite refreshing isn't it? Like vidular sorbet, all palate-cleansy, and aesthetically pleasing (perhaps we're just saying this because we just sat through the horrendous new Pixie Lott and Cheryl Cole videos and our palates needed a cleanse like you wouldn't believe).

Stuck In Our Head: "Finest Dreams" - Richard X feat. Kelis

Long before our Kelis joined forces with 'underground' Euro-dance producers and made a Brilliant Album, she was guesting on tracks (well actually, just one) by 'underground' Euro-dance producers and making Brilliant Singles (again, just one). While actually a cover of a fabulous track by the SOS Band and produced by Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, the creators of Janet Jackson's sound for most of her career, "Finest Dreams" was Kelis' very first venture into pairing her vocals with a distinctly strong and appealingly dark dance sound.

We'd completely forgotten about the track before we were scanning through her Wikipedia page and came across it. Rushing to YouTube, we were very quickly reminded of how fucking amazing it was, and how often we played it on one of the various mostly shite compilations we used to buy when we were thirteen. Seven years later, this song still manages to sound brand spanking new. We're sure she even did a snippet of it when we were saw her live at the beginning of October, although that may be our sneaky wishful memory being tricksy. Excellent.

ALL HEARTS!

On Friday the 1st of October, the two founding members and major contributing columnist of Shiny & New went on a very special field trip to see Queen Kelis at the Shepherds Bush Empire in London. It was a 1 hour set with only two major breaks (one after the intro and one before the encore) and as far as we’re concerned was one of the shortest but tightest and sweetest pop sets we’ve ever seen.

Dressed head to toe in luminescent muscle-covered lycra, Kelis proceeded to control the dancefloor for 60 sweaty minutes taking us on a cosmic journey through her back catalogue and latest (sparkling) album. Now, let us get something out of the way right off the bat, the lady is fierce. Not in the watered down, smalltown-gayboy-outside-a-regional-branch-of-H&M-clicking-his-fingers-at-his-overweight-faghag-as-she-‘tells-it-like-it-is’-about-her-oaf-of-a-boyfriend’s-saggy-dick sense of the word. No, in the we-are-in-the-presence-of-a-goddess sense of the word.

Not a trained or accomplished dancer, Ms. Jones née Rogers nevertheless strutted, writhed, waved, shaked, shimmied and smiled in the most euphoria-inducing way. And her vocals! Often they are described as overly weak or husky, but live they were on point! Always perfectly in tune, powerful, expressive and with an impressive range (despite mic probs).

The set itself with its continuous, workout/club-style mix, was perfectly suited to the material and the lady herself showed incredible stamina, not faltering or flagging once despite a gruelling nonstop hour with no backing dancers or singers to take the reigns and no costume changes or water breaks.

The set was very reliant on current or recent material, as some detractors have pointed out, but that’s to be expected when an artist tours to support an album, and frankly shows the strength of the work in question that almost every single track from it could be played live. And what a treat for the fans! Not just the modern classic, “Trick Me”, as a final song, but also the much underrated and neglected masterpieces “Get Along With You” and “Young Fresh ‘n’ New”, paired with the much-loved “Millionaire” and incredible “Holiday/Milkshake” fan-made mashup!

Kelis has said right from the start that this album was all about making her fans and listeners sweat and sweat is what we did in ‘lovely’ West London of a Friday night. It was a pleasure and a brilliant gig. Below is a (mostly correct) setlist:

1. “Scream”
2. “22nd Century”
3. “Home”
4. “Emancipate”
5. “Brave”
6. “Spaceship”
7. “Lil’ Star (Remix)”
8. “Young Fresh ‘n’ New”
9. “4th of July (Fireworks)”
10. “Millionaire”
11. “Holiday/Milkshake”
12. “Sign Your Name”
13. “Get Along With You”
14. “Acapella”
15. “Song for the Baby”
16. “Trick Me”

And now in 3D!

This is the latest Kelis video in 3D. Nothing too special: we tried it with some cheap oldschool 3D glasses ourselves and nothing seemed to stick out (GEDDIT DO YOU SEE LOLOLO). Anyway it's just any old excuse to post about Queen Kelis.

Kelis... werque.

This is our least favourite song from Kelis' masterful Flesh Tone, but it does sound like a hit (fortunately). We hope it's a big one for her. We read about the video before seeing it and everyone seemed to be remarking on how cheap it looked. Readers: it doesn't look particularly cheap. It looks like the best has been made of a small budget. But it don't look cheap. And Kelis looks hot. We are getting (and we know EVERYONE gets compared to her, but this is a legit comparison) Grace Jones vibes.

Kelis!

Kelis is in (on? in?) Wonderland magazine this month and her are a select few pics (above and below). You might also want to read this interview with her in the Guardian. She talks about being a feminist but not calling herself a feminist (bit disappointing, that) and being a mother and an artist. It's a good read. You should read it. (WE'RE GOING TO SEE KELIS IN OCTOBER) *calms down*

A video that is at least 1000% amazing...

Shiny & New Turns 2: #18 "Blindfold Me" - Kelis

"Hold up, you got a pretty strong team / Got somethin' on the bench that Kelis ain't seen"

In 2006 when “Blindfold Me” was released, Kelis was riding along on the surprise success of her previous album campaign’s lead single: the monolithic “Milkshake”. Her label understandably but misguidedly had hooked her up with every ‘hot’ commercial hip hop and R&B producer in the industry in the hopes that her next album, the muddled but brilliant Kelis Was Here, would finally propel her into the stratosphere. It didn’t happen, but it was probably for the best. Kelis and ‘mainstream’ don’t go hand in hand. This is a woman who pushes boundaries most other female singers don’t realise are there, and who continues to delight and surprise even in the context of shameless hitseeking. But anyway…

The first time I heard “Blindfold Me”, it was accompanied by the music video (you can watch it above, it’s dark and incredibly sexy) and I immediately knew it would be a hit. It wasn’t, in fact it flopped spectacularly and prematurely ended what otherwise could have been a lucrative campaign in the US. But, yet again, it didn’t matter. This was a song that took what is otherwise as lame and tired a sexual cliché as fluffy handcuffs (bleh) and made it sound like the best idea since sliced bread. A song with pulsating almost atonal synths and a disturbing high pitched spoken intro that caused a 15 year old boy to reconsider his previous disdain for a whole genre. Music is at its best when it is surprising and alarming and “Blindfold Me”, in 2006, in a sea of fairly inventive commercial R&B, still managed to cut through and sound ‘fresh’. Long live Kelis.

Beautiful.

Kelis' new video looks beauteous:

It has been directed by the chanteuse herself in collaboration with Rankin. It shall premiere on the 16th of July. It is, of course, for "4th of July (Fireworks)".

"LOL I'm channelling Leigh Bowery as a spangly alligator," Kelis might be thinking here.

We think one of Kelis' sleeves is different to the other one of her sleeves OR IS THAT JUST US?

Let's hope this helps...

Ladies and gentlemen, something terrible happened yesterday: Kelis' amazing new album Flesh Tone charted at 46 in the United Kingdom despite having already spawned a bonafide hit in "Acapella". Bizarre! Why is no one buying it? Anyway, "4th of July (Fireworks)" is the next single, and despite not being one of our favourites from the stunning masterwork, seems to be the general favourite, so if it can shift a few albums, that's all anyone can ask for.

Or something. It's been a long weekend, do not judge.

COVERART WARZZZZ! Part #8

Two perennially underrated pop juggernauts. Two stunning 9-track pop albums (admittedly one's from last year). One coverart war.



Impact:
Kelis: 9/10 (immediately eye-catching)
Shakira: 7/10 (glitter and sea-froth green - arresting)

Strike a Pose:
Kelis: 6/10 (wonky arms, but projecting face like no other)
Shakira: 5/10 (symmetrical but nonchalant)

Logo and Font Factor:
Kelis: 4/10 (busy and messy, if memorable)
Shakira: 6/10 (unimaginative but practical)

Overall Iconicity Factor:
Kelis: 7/10 (very amazing, but messy)
Shakira: 5/10 (fairly amazing)

And the winner is...
Kelis! Are these actually interesting/worth doing any more?!

Stuck In Our Head: "Brave" - Kelis

Well this is just a massive wad of hot dance spunk, isn't it? Amazing. We 'pacifically' like the lyrics:

"It was crazy
Had a baby
He's amazing
He saved me
And this time it's just us"

Fiery. If only this were the next single.

Kelis continues to be supreme, no surprises there...

Kelis brought the fire at a nightclub gig the other day in a full-length white fringe shroud and lacy ivory catsuit. Whilst we're on the subject of Kelis, the official tracklisting for her doubtlessly phenomenal 5th studio album has been released into the interwebs and it is here:

1. "Intro"
2. "22nd Century"
3. "4th of July (Fireworks)"
4. "Home"
5. "Acapella"
6. "Scream"
7. "Emancipation"
   
8. "Brave"
   
9. "Song for the Baby"

Bonus Tracks

1. "Kids"
2. "Karefree Amerikans"
3. "Alive"
   

If this turns out to be wrong we cannot be held accountable for misleading you. According to another (potentially unreliable) source, the album is going to be chockablock full of segues. In other words, it's all going to be mixed together like a DJ kicks album or Confessions on a Dancefloor. We know this isn't the most 'original' of ideas for a grown-up dance music album, but whatever. It sounds incredible. (Pictures via Metromix New York)

Kelis & Her Bead Beard.

It's the album artwork for Flesh Tone. Fire!

Geddit!

Kelis is on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire. That's a technical and scientifical term and you can use that in your university essays for your second rate media degree (sponsored by Britney Spears). Her video for "Acapella" is hot, it is fun, it is genuinely a bit bizarre (not in a lazy post-GaGa way). It is a veritable feast for the senses ('pacifically' the eyes). Enjoy it.