Hmm...

There are two ways you can look at Katy Perry's latest video: either it's a totally cynical super product placementized advert for the marines, with K-Pezza promoting war and violence all in the name of patriotism and duty.

OR, this is yet another brilliant video from an artist we once viewed with DEEP SUSPICION and yet has blossomed into one of the most consistently great popstars working today, with slightly odd and captivating video & song after video & song.

Katy Perry wants your precious salty tears...

We didn't cry when we watched this, perhaps because there's a large sooty coal where our pumping heart should be, perhaps because we're not mawkish idiots who will literally (LITERALLY) allow themselves to be emotionally manipulated at will.

Katy does look stunning, however, in her Romy & Michele flashforward prosthetics. She puts us in mind of Winona Ryder at the start of Edward Ciseaux-mains when she does the croaky old lady under a rubbery senior citizen mask bit.

And yes, that is Diego Luna off-of Gets His Cock Out in Mexican Arthouse, Played a Gay in Milk, was in that film about that Cuban guy who invented cigars or communism or Pig Bays or something.

Will this looks like it's going to be incredible... *vomits into rollershoe*

Almost brilliant...

What this really lacks is a brilliant dance routine. We will never understand up-tempo {dance-}pop songs that feature zero dancing. Never. Pretty good effort, though, in all other areas.

This is quite good and worth a watch

Singles of the Year '10!

It took a year off last year, but here returneth our Very Fave Singles of the Past 12 Months. This was also a zine-only exclusive, but seeing as we don't anticipate printing any more off any time soon, you zine-slackers can get it right here!
"Better Than Love" - Hurts
The first song we heard in 2010 to a) give us full-on shivers and b) reassure our worries and tell us this year was going to be a good one for pop. Hurts are the injection of Pet Shop Boys-at-a-funeral that we all need, and this song more than anything else on the album gives the listener that rush of excitement and sheer joy that we so crave. The middle eight towards the end should be the standard to write all future middle eights by.

"Momma's Place" - Róisín Murphy
A strong contender for the funniest and fiercest songwriting of 2010, “Momma's Place” was Róisín's only foray into music this year but is a fine example of quality over quantity. A powerful bass-heavy opening leads into a “Mark my words, you'll see”-style ode to her child, providing an interesting alternative to the unconditional love of Kelis‟ “Acapella”.

"XXXO" - M.I.A.
Not the follow-up hit to “Paper Planes” that might have pleased her record label, but never mind. “XXXO” is a dark disco-ish R&B number, that, well… sort of defies description. Hooky, fun, and quotable as hell it'll go down in history as an underrated gem. Try not to fall for the lines “you're tweeting me like tweety bird on your iPhone” or “I can be the actress, you be Tarantino”.

"Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
We're ginormous fans of Annie Lennox, which is a factor we can only presume helped considerably when we first heard this track. We love “Your Love”, and if you've been with us for the entirety of the zine, you'll know we love the Minaj too. With lyrical themes revolving around samurai and geisha, we were more than happy to keep this beautiful mid-tempo ditty on loop for the majority of the past twelve months. If you don‟t like Minaj after hearing this song, you probably never will.

"Happiness" - Alexis Jordan
What happens when you put a quasi-Whitney-Leona-style ballad on top of a Deadmau5 sample? A fabulous wave-your-hands-in-the-air-and-feel-the-love anthem quite simply. We haven't even discussed this summer soundtrack on the blog, which is rather baffling, but if record labels continue to insist on using pre-pubescent popstars, we'll put up with it if we keep getting productions like this.

"Shampain" - Marina and the Diamonds
Marina hasn't had quite the stellar year she, or her team, probably had hoped for. She still hasn't broken into foreign territories and none of her singles went top 10. Never matter, though. On “Shampain”, she used the topic of drunkedness to sing about celestial angels, over a beat that practically glitters. Scathing sarcasm has never sounded so joyous.

"Dancing On My Own" - Robyn
Best song of the year, no further discussion needed. Tear-inducing, stomach-punching, throat
-grabbing; a Robyn-flavoured brand of desperately sad euphoria. Has been known to actually make people burst out crying in nightclubs. Which we believe, was the original aim. That synthesised pounding heart-beat will stick with us for years to come.

"Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
Either Katy Perry is a brilliant, brilliant songwriter capable of moments of pure pop genius, or the team behind her is. Either way, “Teenage Dream” took us all back to the most romantic moments of or adolescence, whether they happened or not. Giddy, wide-eyed, euphoric, almost flawless. If Ms. Russell Brand ever releases another song as good as this it’ll be a full-blown miracle.

"Tightrope" - Janelle Monáe (feat. Big Boi)
We defy you not to dance to this. If you can get from start to finish without even tapping or shuffling your foot about, then you’re clinically dead, or something. And that horn section! Exhilarating. Monáe released one of the most bemusing and epic albums of the year, but as this song proved, she could shine in short form too.

"Acapella" - Kelis
Never one to do what’s expected of her, Kelis worked with some of the world’s most ubiquitous dance producers (David Guetta etc.) and then came out with… this! No one else could or would release it: a pulse-quickening house anthem about the wonder of life as seen through new motherhood. At first we weren’t sure if the minimal production worked, but we soon realised it was perfect.

Is it still offensive to anyone outside of Iran?

There has been a rather odious piece of news swirling around the web in recent days surrounding the video for Katy Perry’s “Firework”, a rather charming, euphoric pounder intended to inspire K-Pez fans to spontaneously ‘uman combust, we think. Bonus points if you got the reference to a sitcom starring Kathy Burke there. It’s basically an up-tempo, ‘happy’ interpretation of Christina’s “Beautiful” – why are we describing the song? If you read Shiny & New regularly, it’s likely your tastes will have contributed to you already having heard said song. Several times.

Basically, it’s been reported that in previously mentioned video, the scenes featuring two gays pashing (we told you it was basically “Beautiful”) has been censored for the clip’s release to British television. There are a few reasons why this piece of news could be a massive pile of gently sweating donkey faeces. Firstly, just for British airing? We’re one of the most liberal countries in Europe. As a whole, this country quite likes gays. Sure, we’re not exactly Iceland where they’re Actually Considered Normal People but we’re certainly not Somalia. Secondly, previously mentioned “Beautiful” was released in 2002 and featured not only dirty ‘omos, but a transvestite donning her garb. Eight years ago, more ‘controversial’. Thirdly, this is a very tense period in society regarding homosexuals, with ever-growing eruptions of anger towards any slightly negative portrayals of gays in the media – not to mention the recent related young suicides.

Fourthly, Katy Perry is definitely a gay icon in the making. Her fans now will be helping her pay the surgery bills in thirty years as she keeps her act going in Vegas. Fifthly (the number + ‘ly’ affix is getting a bit awkward now, isn’t it?) this particular piece of news was only reported on Digital Spy. A few brief scans of news sites and blog aggregators threw back zero original reports of this phenomenon, and Digital Spy – purveyor of questionable news at times itself – didn’t provide a source in its own article. So while the jury is still out as to whether it’s actually true (we’ll see for ourselves when the video airs on British music channels this week), if it does happen to be so, we don’t need to explain again how ridiculous, backward and beyond insensitive this action would be. We’ll keep our eyes open.

*gives birth to catherine wheel*

UNFATHOMABLE IMPROVEMENT

This was posted on Popjustice today and caught our attention. Whilst that there 'blog's slant was the love of vast amounts of money, ours is differing. Look: we think Katy Perry's a bit of a douche but "Teenage Dream" is one of the best songs of the whole year. Really. Top ten of the year good. That good. But it has a video that harshes our boner or something (to mix simetanalogies). Yes the video is that boring - we won't link you, you've probs already seen it, and if you haven't we won't inflict. It's a song that deserves a video equally incredible, and if this (above) had been fleshed out into a full length one instead of being an advert for a German tv station (!?!?!?!?!) it would have also had one of the videos of the year.

So there's a lesson to be learned. Make good videos or wankers will chastise you on the internet. Oh and don't save all your quality and bestest ideas for German commercials. Not there's anything wrong with Germany. Or commercials.

Stuck In Our Head: "Firework" - Katy Perry

Katy Perry's second album is very good. Never mind that her first was a diabolical mess of complete filler broken up sporadically but quite good singles, executed in the finest 90s tradition of releasing albums with the sole aim of having a couple of number one hits and not really bothering with the rest of the LP. Album #2 greatly improves and thankfully nips in the bud something which could have become a disastrous pattern, due to the excellent success of said first album's singles. In a pmsl-able turn of events, the lead single for album #2 is entirely derivative and sadly, quite awful - thank the sweet goddess Madonna that the second single (are you keeping up? Good), "Teenage Dreams", is probably the best thing she has ever done. A soaring, lifting, breath-taking, heady dream of a tune, it is also accompanied by the worst video she has ever done. Why is Katy Perry such a mess?

Whatever. Like we said, the second album, as a whole, is very, very good. "Firework" is a song built in the model of previously mentioned "Teenage Dream" - a completely unashamed attempt to give people that feeling achieved on a dance floor when you close your eyes, completely lose any inhibition left after downing those gin lemonades, and spin until you punch an already-irritated lesbian (let's say P!nk had just been cut off by the DJ for this song - actually that wouldn't irritate a lesbian, that would send them on a murderous spree which would later be turned into a cinematic classic starring Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci) and have to calm down in a corner. It is WONDERFUL.

BORING.

This is one of our favourite songs of the year (yes, yes WE KNOW) and it has one of the most boring videos in all creation. Yes, that's Katy up there realising what a dreary video she's made and feeling very very very sorry for herself. She's got that sinking feeling in her stomach you get when you know you've disappointed millions of people. Her brain is working over time to come up with a concept for a new video she will shoot in a high school that will involve promtime, a limousine, a dance routine, some cheerleaders and some Grease-style handjiving in colourful dresses (and leather).

Well... we can dream. Watch it here, because EMI are still one of the only record labels in the world to think it's a good idea to disable embedding by request. Cunts.

Not-so-guilty pleasure...

This may have an actually frighteningly similar melody in the chorus line to "California Gurls" despite being of a completely different theme and production style, but we can't help but experience a rush of euphoria when the chorus (finally) kicks in. We know Ms. Perry has a reputation for cheap, double-entendre-based sickly pop confections but if she carries on with songs more of this (and "Hot N Cold"'s type), well she's headed for more 'cutsie P!nk' territory than 'dreadful fake lesbian dick-melter'. And that's good.

One of those things where we hand over the baton to you, the reader, our lifeblood...

This is the album coverart for Katy Perry's second studio album, Teenage Dream. Is this going to be one of those iconic album covers displayed in expensive coffee table books or will it feature in future lists of terrible twee artwork that is comically misjudged?

When your artwork is better than your music, part the bajillionzth:

Well quite.

A strangely static Katy Perry video...

It's quite odd that with the absolute avalanche of colour and camp in this, it still comes off slow and stilted. Embedding disabled by request (snore).

Katy Perry is so surly and reserved, why can't she play on aspects of camp and kitsch like her contemporaries? It's just not on.

Kayteez Cumbak.

Katty Purray who still can't spell (yes, we know it's some ironic nod to something or other or zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) is back for seconds with her new single "California Gurls". You know here are a list of things about the song that are going to make your eyes roll:

• The aforementioned spelling of the word 'girls'.
• The fact that you can actually sing Ke$ha's "TiK ToK" over the top and it fits perfectly.
• The fact that it features Snoop Dogg.
• The lyrics - "daisy dukes, bikinis on top", "we'll melt your popsicle", "west coast represent".

You can ignore all those things, though, because for some absolutely unfathomable reason we find this spectacularly fun and have listened to it about 30 times since it leaked already.

Silly Gurn O'Clock...

We were going to post this ages and ages and ages ago when it first surfaced on the internet but every fucking version of it we found on youtube was 'embedding disabled by request' so we didn't. We're not the biggest fans of the song (it'll do) and the whole 'plot' is completely stupid/pointless/redundant because WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT and overall it's just a 'totes' forgettable experience. HOWEVER, there is one notable aspect and that's Timbaland's continually silly faces. What is he playing at? It is totally beyond us. We would say something witty, but the gurns and tics are hilarious enough on their own, they need no embellishment. Below are two more 'vids' for two more Timbaland videos for songs with Drake and Justin Timberlake, respectively. Maybe he's trying that thing of releasing every song on the album as a single in the desperate hopes that something will stick.

Shiny & New Gives Back

A-
MAY-
ZING!
These hot muthas up above are what's officially known in the industry as amazing (well Katy Perry's got some work to do, but she's on her way) and they have all designed tshirts for H&M's Fashion Against AIDS campaign. We fully encourage you to get involved etc. There's also a video here for you to clap eyes upon, although as Me Me Me points out, Robyn's a bit hazy on one salient HIV point, just 'knowing' someone doesn't mean you can go condom free (unless both you and your partner have been tested and turned up negative and you 100% trust them...) but anyway... it's a worthy cause and we encourage you to get a tshirt.

As an afterthought: this is one of the few charity/sleb/fashion campaigns featuring people we almost unanimously like and respect (like we said... Katy Perry has to work for our full affection).