Well weren't the Olympics FRUITFUL

When we say fruitful we're not specifically referring to the dazzling array of hot totty on display from countries around the globe, we're on about that fucking INCREDIBLE Spice Girls performance and a gorge new Kate Bush re-do of "Running Up That Hill", obviously. There were rumours Bush would perform it herself, we got ourselves all up in a fizz before we were swiftly brought back down to earth with the reality that this woman probably has very severe anxiety issues considering she hasn't been on a stage in over thirty years. Regardless, the remix is powerful and rapturous, laying brand new deeper and stronger vocals over a slightly re-swizzled backing track. The song has been in the iTunes top ten all week so clearly the country is still gagging for Kate.

Which brings us to the true highlight. Of course they had to be in it, they're the country's most successful female group export of all time, but it was still a surprise to see them together considering how ardently against all Spice things Queen VB is. Speaking of whom, still can't sing or dance, just like Geri. Mel B and Melanie C still carried the entire performance and Emma still looks about 18. It's this sense of some things never changing which carries the girls whenever they reunite, considering how much of their fandom is now based on memories and nostalgia. Whatever, they brought it and they brought the house down with them.

This post has been appallingly written, we do apologise. Maybe when the head has stopped spinning from Long Island Iced Teas we might do a re-write.

Disappointing Spice

We suppose we should be grateful for Melanie C. Of the five Spice Girls, she is the only one not to have taken her career into television (Emma, Mel B), fashion (Victoria) or professional neurotic lunatic (guess). She's still producing music. However, this is where it gets murky. The music hasn't really moved on since 1999... A fellow music lover did happen to note that if Gaga had released the above hot mess, it would be lauded as remarkable and profound, but you can say that about anything at the moment. It's just naff.

The video was filmed on our cycle route to work, something you can't say every day, but unfortunately this doesn't push it up in the glamour stakes. Football (Lesbo Spice still lives), graffiti, Adidas, what is this!? The lyrics seem to jar even more with the ridiculous facial contortions provided courtesy of Enthusiastic Chisholm. We love all Spice Girls and we laud all attempts at making new music, but if they really want to escape the shackles of constantly being prefaced with "the former Spice Girl" in press forever more, as Melanie C seems the most eager to do, they need to start putting out top-notch stuff. Better luck next time Mel.

Shiny & New Turns 2: #17 "Holler" - Spice Girls

"Imagine us together me driving you insane / You will give in to me / Don’t be afraid to play my game"

I will never be able to conjure the sentences required to truly help someone else form a completely accurate picture in their minds of how much I adored the Spice Girls. They were my first introduction to music, to pop music, to an obsession – to strong, charismatic, powerful women. They set me off on my path which I’m still walking now, a path of complete fascination and passion for music – and Ginger Spice was my favourite. Gobby, brash, curvaceous; she was my first gay icon. Then she left. This tore my eight year old world apart – looking back to eleven years ago its hard to fathom how much someone that age could care, but I did.

And then the Spice Girls made “Holler”. One of Darkchild’s first major productions, in the canon of the Spice Girls’ solidly consistent excellent pop music, “Holler” is possibly the only one which still remotely has any credibility. In this wave of recognition for late 90s/early 00s RnB we’re currently undergoing, “Holler” stands proud as one of the finest examples. Ironic because it sounds nothing like any of the songs which made the Spice Girls shoot right through the stratosphere and beyond. The cascading guitar introduction, the hip-gyrating beat – who am I kidding, the highlight of the entire thing is Melanie C’s performance in the video. Never have I been more aroused by a fat, hot, sweaty Scouse mess.

Potentially exciting news from Spiceworld

Whoops, wrong ones.*

So it would seem the Spice Girls, aka the first true musical/pop culture obsession of this very writer, had a little coven session last night. Which just warms our hearts. So good to see Mel B pretending to like Geri! Where is Vicky B? Parading around in her smocks in Enn Why See, that's where. But who cares, the remaining Spicies in London had a nice little meal together, laughing, gossiping, comparing what's left of their careers, etc. THEN Mel B went home and twittered THIS.
HOW EXCITING! Yes it is glaringly obvious that if they do reform for some more live dates, it will purely be financially motivated (we have no pretensions that the last tour wasn't for the same reasons) but who cares? The Spice Girls, for all their airs of down to earth, common as muck girls, have always been professional performers in impressive productions. And we know, just as you probably would dear reader, we'd be on the Ticketmaster (damn you Ticketmaster and your monopoly on all things ticketed) in an instant the second tickets were released for the Spice Girls at Wembley Stadium.

Thoughts?

*How appalling is the Alexa Arquette Ginger Spice? We're not even going to discuss Posh Dwarf.

Your Career (In Artwork): Girl Groups

We appear to be having girl group fever at the moment... well, we're not. It's just a coincidence. We promise. I guess maybe you can see this artwork-orientated post as being in honour of the fact that Sky1 are showing the Girls Aloud tour in glittering HD or something. Anyway, let's get on with the postulating, shall we?

Let's start with Destiny's Child... 3 line-ups, countless hits, and some pretty unexceptional artwork. We suppose the covers for Survivor and Destiny Fulfilled are borderline iconic, but they don't immediately catch the eye. It could be worse, but the bland colouring, horrendous styling, and lack of a powerhouse logo leave the whole thing tasting distinctly of 'meh'. Disappointing when you consider how fantastic and varied the Child's back catalogue is.

On we move to Girls Aloud, who, until their recent break were our favourite working girlband working today in the working industry. Their music is some of the oddest, most experimental and progressive in the history of girl group music... songs with about 7 different choruses, all so catchy there's basically no verse, minute long introductions, impromptu tempo halvings, cheerleader chants for bridges, choral intros and samples, and a marriage to a production house so intent on throwing (as Alexis Petridis so wisely put it) "wildly disparate musical styles" together that you literally never know what you're going to get. Ibiza house? Clumsy guitar-driven funk? Cheesey euro pop? All mixed together?! Anyway, this would suggest some truly great artwork to go with some truly great music. But, no. Girls Aloud's artwork hints at something a hell of a lot cheesier and cheaper than the truth. It's never quite been right, even during the Tangled Up era, which produced some beautiful single artwork. The covers are certainly memorable, though, just perhaps not for the right reasons.

Onto the Spice Girls, the most ubiquitous and successful girl group ever. Unlike Girls Aloud, the Girls of Spice's music has never held pretensions of critical acclaim, but has instead been content to ride a glorious wave of unbeatably brilliant commercial pop. And considering this, it befits us to declare their artwork satisfyingly consistent, fantastically suited to their style of music and spectacularly iconic, considering its simplicity. Fabby.

Sugababes back catalogue contains some consistently spectacular pop, with the odd dud, so you'd expect their artwork to follow a similar patter, and you'd be right. There's something incredibly satisfying about seeing the following six album covers all lined up and next to each other. The bold print 'SUGABABES' grabs you immediately, and for the most part, the photography and styling seems effortless and cool. Off-kilter, memorable and cohesive, it ties their varied musical forays and multiple line-ups together perfectly.

Last, but not least we come to TLC. We'd be lying if we said we knew a lot about TLC's music, because we don't, but we'are aware that it's often wacky, soulful, inventive, colourful and alternately menacholic and perky, just like their dated but still fabulous artwork. Brillo pads.

And that's your lot.

Girls Aloud etc., TAKE NOTE.

The opening of the Spice Girls' first ever full concert - put on to prove to critics that they "could sing live" - has it all. Pyrotechnics, rollercoaster-motif stage design, lycra, lesbians, African tribal paint, pink highlights, drag queens and tight-arse choreography, not to mention a fierce opening track. We will continue to ask this question until Girls Aloud fulfil their destiny as a successor to the Spice Girls (which it looks increasingly unlikely that they will manage to do so), but why could the Spicies top every single live performance Girls Aloud have ever put on with the opening of their first ever concert, a few months into their debut on the world stage of pop?

Epic.

Stuck In Our Head: "2 Become 1" - Spice Girls

Their debut single went to number one in thirty-one countries. Their debut album became the biggest-selling album by a female group in music history. Nearly two million people willingly paid £85 for two hours in their presence on their reunion tour. How have the Spice Girls not appeared on Shiny & New before?

For two years, the Spice Girls ruled the world. They also ruled this writer's heart, and while not appealing quite as much to the other writers of this wonderful blog, no one cany deny their legacy and significance. They were a new female generations' idols, they were a new male generations' gay icons. Everyone had a favourite. But this post isn't about signifant artists, it's about those bloody annoying songs we just can't get out of our heads, and we've had the first of three consecutive Spice Girls Christmas number ones, "2 Become 1", in our head all day.

A simple message about people coming together and love, the song stands as much of a symbol of Girl Power as "Wannabe" or "Spice Up Your Life", yet in a starkly different way. A gorgeous example of the power a simple, beautiful pop ballad can wield, it set the standard and so far, few have managed to meet it. 2006's effort from Girls Aloud, "Whole Lotta History" was noted as "sub-Spice Girls" by an Irish newspaper, showing while girl bands today can still knock out wonderful belters and tunes, it takes a special one to capture the magic that the Spice Girls managed to. They may not have had the longevity or lifespan they craved, but while they were big, they were big. Something Cheryl Cole is none too pleased about.

By the way, if you really want something to make you feel old, "2 Become 1" was Christmas number one twelve years ago. That's a small child.

Further links
Emma Bunton's solo rendition - gorgeous
Return of the Spice Girls Tour version - also gorgeous
Paul Gilbert's acoustic cover - er.. different