A vast improvement...

We practically wrote, like, AN ESSAY about Britney's last video, because we just couldn't get our head(s) around the idiotic, overcomplicated, nonsensical, tryhard, eyesore of a video. Well we're not going to do so this time. In fact this shall be short and incredibly sweet (everything we do is sweet). This is an enjoyable, diverting, well-shot, well-choreographed, well-CGI-ed, well-danced, well cohesive little music video and we enjoyed watching it. They even managed the masterful optical illusion of making Asparagus Spears look happy/not suicidal at points in it.

We feel this is the video Ke$ha either should have made for "We R Who We R" or would have liked to have made for "Blow", if she could actually dance. *BURRRRRRRRN* etc.

Oh, ok then. Hold it against me if you must.

We didn't cover this straight away because... well... truth be told, in all honesty and in the name of full disclosure we have been so busy right now what with um... life and everything (?) that we haven't had time. Here at Shiny & New, we would rather take an age to write something special for you than whack out something impulsive, badly-thought-out and unclever just to look 'on the ball'.

So here we go. First of all, can we just say: what? And also: ok. This is the Jonas Akerlund-directed music video (he of "Ray of Light", "Music", "Telephone", "Paparazzi", "Who's That Chick?" and... er... "Celebration"!!!!) for Britney's current single, "Chat Up Line Against Me". Sorry, music video? We meant advert. We've seen a lot of product placement in our time (hated the lot of it) but nothing this flagrant and unashamed. We mean, really. After the video had finished we tried looking at a blank wall and blinking really fast and the letters SONY were imprinted in neon purple on the back of our eyelids. We went and bought a tv after that because that is the power of advertising and if you did a Venn diagram of Britney Spears' music video watchers and people who purchase expensive touch-screen televisions, there would be, like, so much cross-over, because marketing.

O'er the jump with thee for extended analysis and 'exclusive' (not exclusive) clips etc.

Read more »

Re-evaluation

Britney's new album cover. Well. Erm.

Now that we've (momentarily) gotten over the fact that it in NO WAY INVOKES OR EVEN EVOKES FEMMES FATALES we can address it less frantically.

And you know, we don't know whether this is just because she's had such consistently awful (yet iconic) album artwork over the years, but nestled in amongst the following horrid gems, it looks positively stunning and refreshing.

Of course, that's only comparatively. On its own it's still frightful, dodgily photoshopped (Britney is naturally one of the prettiest women alive, why the need?), gaudy and cheap looking. So it ticks all the requisite Britney artwork boxes. BRILLIANT.

In Celebration of Britney Spears' New Album: Femmes Fatales, A Chronology

NO!

Hai Britney

UPDATE:
Thoughts:

• Oh, okay, this is, like, really catchy.
• We have to give Britney (or her team, or her people, or whatever) props for crafting (or sourcing) yet another song that isn't over-gimmicky or obvious in its hookiness, but nevertheless CATCHY AS AN STD.
• Having said that, the dubstep thing feels a bit unnecessary.
• Britney has always transcended fads and trends. She was part of bubblegum pop but after that her songs have been so great just doesn't seem t0 have needed to fluctuate with fickle fashions.
• This, however, feels a tad late and pointless. Britney and dubstep aren't an obvious mix, and the strange juxtaposition isn't as sparky or as 'so-crazy-it-works' as you might think. This song may date horribly, and dubstep seems to be better suited to the dark, soaring stuff on Rihanna's Rated R album than Britney's uptempo 'club' 'bangers'.
• We also don't understand how this fits in with her supposed Ray of Light ambitions, but whatever. We'll wait for the full album to make a... er... full judgement!

Tis the new Britney single in demo form...

Oh.

Inneresting.

Well, a million times more visually interesting than your average Britney magazine shoot. Takashi Murakami is responsible for these.

A raunch-ridden Britney video...

We're not allowed to embed Britney's new video for current single "3", but you can watch it here. We're also not allowed to take a screen shot of the video to use in this little bloglet. We're not EVEN allowed to post HQ screen shots off-of Britney's website. For fear of what? We cannot tell. Anyway it's probably exactly what you expected... it's high sheen, expensive looking and doesn't really go anywhere.

Having said that, we weren't really paying attention because Britney looks absolutely GORGEOUS in it and we were mesmerised, so it could have been fantastic and we'll never know. Judge for yourselves.

Are you a psycho?

We've asked this question before in conjunction with the Girls Aloud singles box set, and we'll ask it again about this. As casual Britters fans (to transform us into obsessive stans, just add alcohol) we can categorically state that we will NOT be purchasing this, but we know of many who undoubtedly will. We have to give credit where it's due. It does look lovely and extensive.

Just for the record, the only artist box sets we would bother shelling out a million pounds for are Björk's Family Tree and Surrounded box sets, Tori Amos' A Piano box set and Kate Bush's This Woman's Work box set (pictured below). Of course we'd shell out for a Madonna one, but NONE SUCH EXISTS.

We have to say, we like the idea of a big shiny fan box. It appeals because it presents music as something expensive, life-changing and life-affirming. We've purposefully kept out of the whole 'filesharing bonanza' but we will say that perhaps 'the music industry' would be less affected by illegal music downloads if it took time to present its end product as what it is, something beautiful and special, not something cheap, disposable and half-arsed. Just sayin'.

That was even quicker.

A thirty second preview of the new Godney (the folks on Britney's fan boards are so imaginative!) single to promote a new collection of singles (barely five years after the last one but who are we to judge) sits right above these very words. You're probably listening right now.

Brought to you by the same team who fashioned the masterpieces that are P!nk's "So What" and "It's All Your Fault", "3" is distinctly not like those two songs. On first listen - first listens are always buggers aren't they, you don't know where to start - there was a wee bit of befuddlement but on that brilliant second listen it began to sound like a Britney song. A Britney song which will sound immense at 3am in a dingy underground gay club in Manchester (or London? Let's not discriminate against the lesser gays) when you've had a few too many gin and lemonades, your eyes are closed, you don't give a shit about what people think of you. And you can dance. For inspiration?

Well done Max Martin, Shellback and Godney!

That was quick.

Britney's new single from her new singles 'collection'.

Another ________ Britney Spears video

Yet another Britney video that fails to capture our imagination. There's no dancing and no radars. Britney looks very, very pretty though.

It gets worse...

Whoever's art-directing the whole Britney Spears shebang, recently... well... they need a few classes in BASIC AESTHETICS. This is horrible and looks fanmade but it is 100 per cent real. Sad!

This is going to be... interesting.

What you are looking at right now as a snapshot of the up and coming new Britney Spears video for "Kill the Lights".

Yes. Another animated one.

It's interesting to look at the recent chart positions for Britney's singles. Whilst in America, Britney has ALWAYS had number 1 albums (Blackout is the exception) her singles have not quite done as well. Songs that went to number 1 in the UK ("Toxic", "Everytime", "Born To Make You Happy" and "Oops! I Did It Again") struggled to get into the top 10, and many didn't even go top 100. Circus, her latest album, however, has done especially well over there with a singles chart run of 1-3-19. Compare that to the singles chart run for her Britney album (27-86-102-122) or Blackout (3-18-43) she's doing pretty well over there.

But in Britain? Circus seems to be her least well performing album (especially in terms of single chart positioning) in her career! Whilst 3-13-20 is not a bad set of chart peaks for an artist's 3 singles, for Britney in Britain, where she's previously gone top 10 with almost EVERYTHING, it's slightly confusing. And interesting! We have no idea why this has happened, but it has.

As for a video for "Kill the Lights", we were under the impression that "Radar" was the next single, but camp Britney says otherwise. Confusing gits.

Sort of BAD. NEWS.

For those of you who are for whatever reason unaware: "Radar" was originally on Britney's LAST album, Blackout. They tacked it onto Circus (always a suspicious move) and now they are inexplicably releasing it as the 4th single.

Well... we say 'inexplicably' but there is clearly a reason: all the original songs on Circus are weak. Not only that, but Radar is probably stronger as a single than both "Circus" and "If U Seek Amy" put together. We had this overwhelming feeling when we first heard Circus that it just wasn't strong enough to compete with Blackout and this has turned out to be true. The only TRULY fantastic song on the whole affair was "Womanizer" and after that... well... let's just move on to the next album. OR, rather, let's let Britney get on with the life she wants to lead and stop forcing her into being something that forced her into a mental breakdown last time round.

Britney Spears is completely in control of her life and career...

A _____________ Britney Spears Video

Maybe it's the reduced cans of Cola drink but we can't think of ANYTHING to say.

On Britney Spears.

Groan, moan, here we go. Yet another blog by a knowing arsehole casting aspersions on the 'tragedy' of Britney Spears, once the contender to the throne of Queen of Pop, participant of the token child star mental breakdown phenomenon, and now riding the waves of a triumphant comeback.

We'll keep it short.

1. Britney Spears is an image.
2. Britney Spears is a puppet of the men who surround her, and has been for most of her life.
3. Britney Spears appears incapable of living the life she truly wants to lead. This is a sad..
4. Britney Spears would appear to be blissfully happy working as a mobile hairdresser in a small town in Louisiana, spending the rest of her days looking after her two children, cooking and homemaking and having a pleasant life.
6. Britney Spears does not seem to want to tour the world in a multi-million dollar extravaganza, miming her way through a setlist of songs written by other men for her to sing (see point 2), spending her life constantly under the glare of the camera and watching her every step; God forbid if she overstepped her pace.
7. Make of it what you will, but Britney Spears shouldn't be a popstar. She both was and wasn't born to be a popstar. This would seem to be the tragedy of Britney Spears.

Agree or disagree?

BRITNEY WANTS TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A BIG, PINK, SPARKLY HAMMER

Britney's tour kicked off last night and apparently it was quite good. We have to admit we're not going but we'll definitely pick up the DVD at some point.

The set, costumes, pyrotechnics and choreography are all meant to be outstanding but obviously with a Britney gig you get the unfortunate problem of constant lipsynching.

If we're honest... we'd rather see P!nk's Funhouse Tour (which one of our members is actually going to see in Avril - not Lavigne, the month, silly). We know P!nk's tour is probably not QUITE as spectacular, visually as Britney's, but when you factor in her skills as a live performer, versus Britney's nervous puppet routine we think you have a real winner in Miss Alecia Beth Moore.

Anyway here is a picture of P!nk on tour:

I know... looks bags more fun than Britney doesn't she? SHE'S SWEARING.

Brilliant.

Our Singles of the Year

Madonna – "4 Minutes"
Say what you will about the Queen of Pop, but when those barnstorming horns came clattering in you just HAD to dance.

Girls Aloud – "The Promise"
Not actually necessarily the best Girls Aloud comeback song ever, but they did retro, and they actually did it differently and without sampling a Boots ad.

Lady GaGa – "Just Dance"
This was like Into The Groove for a new generation. Bringing together Indie kids and pop aficionados alike, undoubtedly the dance record of the year.

Goldfrapp – "A&E"
Unspeakably gorgeous and rather odd. Saved the whole Seventh Tree business from being completely forgettable.

P!nk – "So What"
Not anywhere near as artistically fulfilling as the rest of the album, but an undeniably brilliant slice of pop-punk goodness and awesome breakup song.

Ladyhawke – "Back of the Van"
Those aching synths and Ms. Hawke’s own wistful vocals made this bittersweet little song one of the best underdog singles of the year.

Britney Spears – "Womanizer"
Yet again… it was a good year for amazing intros. The swizzling synths punctuated by those snare tumbles made up for the disappointment of Circus.

Solange – "I Decided (Part II)"
Not just a single of the year but probably the remix of the year too. The Freemasons managed to masterfully turn Motown funk into a veritable pop stomper of a song.

Jordin Sparks – "No Air"
An odd R&B ballad. Soaring, emotional and bizarrely structured. This wasn’t your conventional pop duet, but it was so good it was a hit anyway.

Katy Perry – "I Kissed A Girl"
Awful yet ubiquitous. No “singles of the year” list would be complete without it. It was predictable, a cheap shot and yet oddly irresistible.