A while back we were going to do a feature called 'Scouting for Girls Can't Catch' (geddit?). We were going to humorously (i.e. NOT humorously) take a look at quite where burgeoning (!) girlband, Girls Can't Catch, had got to. They had one single, the fairly listenable "Keep Your Head Up". It went top 25. They disappeared.
Of course, the feature would have been ridiculous and redundant because we knew where they were. All you needed to do was scour a few forums and use your common sense to know that they were regrouping for one final try at national stardom before the inevitable dropping and subsequent tabloid stories about girlgroup in-fighting and botched solo deals. So, they've regrouped. They have a new a song, a new video, and a new look.
But what's going on? Well the new song is called "Echo". It is listenable in the same way that the first single was listenable, but it is also a complete personality vacuum. It is half-heartedly begging us to care about it, but we can't bring ourselves to. The video is set on the white cliffs of Dover (!!!!) which is interesting (i.e. NOT interesting) because in our critique of their last video, we referred to one of their male models as having a "white QUIFF of Dover". Yes, that is the most boring and least amusing anecdote in all of music 'journalism', if you can call this journalism.
Anyway, the video is glossy but just about 2 out of 5. The song is 3 out of 5, 3.5 out of 5 at a PUSH. But what about their look? Well let's take a... er... look (at their look). Look:
What a treasure trove of contrivances! Let us move left to right in our analysis and diagnosis. We are not going to even ATTEMPT to remember these girls' names. We think they're called Daizy, Jess and Phoebe (Wikipedia concurs) but we don't have a clue which one is which (side note: anyone who thinks our blatant disregard for their individual personalities is some form of sexism is deeply mistaken: we don't know the names of about 99.5% of all the men in pop, rock or hip hop, so it's more amnesia and laziness than sexism).
SO: let us name the lovely girls above Left, Centre and Right. That shall be their names. Left, the one who annoys us least, seems to also have changed the least since their last incarnation or 'look'. She looks happy to be there despite the fact that we read a potentially untrue story about her being bullied by the other two! That shows guts and also integrity (that she hasn't sold out and changed her look). We are literally clutching at metaphorical straws here. Centre has grown out her horrible pseudo-bob. This is not a crime in and of itself, but she was speaking in tongues in the last song/video ("romantasies" anyone?) so you never know. She could be in league with the devil.
As for Ms. Right over there on the... right, there seems to be some sort of Amy Winehouse Hallowe'en costume going on. We mean, come on love. Ms. Winehouse, no matter how you feel about her, OWNS that beehive. It is her look. And any attempt at recreating it, no matter how well-intentioned, just smacks of tribute act or late-to-the-table parody. Sort it out, please.
So... that's probably your lot. If you're wondering what execrable music-ruiners Scouting For Girls have to do with this post, well... not a lot. They also seem to have disappeared, post-first-album. And let's hope they stay that way. Embarrassingly shit 'indie' acts from the last few years who have suddenly realised how terrible their debut album was, have a habit of turning up again a couple of years later with a new afro-beat or calypso-inspired sound. If there's anything worse than spoiled, white, middle-class, mockney, drama school graduates making music that sounds like it was composed by three year olds with attention deficit disorder, it's spoiled, white, middle-class, mockney, drama school graduates trying to make Africa-inspired music. Leave it to people who actually know what they're doing, please.
Of course, the feature would have been ridiculous and redundant because we knew where they were. All you needed to do was scour a few forums and use your common sense to know that they were regrouping for one final try at national stardom before the inevitable dropping and subsequent tabloid stories about girlgroup in-fighting and botched solo deals. So, they've regrouped. They have a new a song, a new video, and a new look.
But what's going on? Well the new song is called "Echo". It is listenable in the same way that the first single was listenable, but it is also a complete personality vacuum. It is half-heartedly begging us to care about it, but we can't bring ourselves to. The video is set on the white cliffs of Dover (!!!!) which is interesting (i.e. NOT interesting) because in our critique of their last video, we referred to one of their male models as having a "white QUIFF of Dover". Yes, that is the most boring and least amusing anecdote in all of music 'journalism', if you can call this journalism.
Anyway, the video is glossy but just about 2 out of 5. The song is 3 out of 5, 3.5 out of 5 at a PUSH. But what about their look? Well let's take a... er... look (at their look). Look:
What a treasure trove of contrivances! Let us move left to right in our analysis and diagnosis. We are not going to even ATTEMPT to remember these girls' names. We think they're called Daizy, Jess and Phoebe (Wikipedia concurs) but we don't have a clue which one is which (side note: anyone who thinks our blatant disregard for their individual personalities is some form of sexism is deeply mistaken: we don't know the names of about 99.5% of all the men in pop, rock or hip hop, so it's more amnesia and laziness than sexism).SO: let us name the lovely girls above Left, Centre and Right. That shall be their names. Left, the one who annoys us least, seems to also have changed the least since their last incarnation or 'look'. She looks happy to be there despite the fact that we read a potentially untrue story about her being bullied by the other two! That shows guts and also integrity (that she hasn't sold out and changed her look). We are literally clutching at metaphorical straws here. Centre has grown out her horrible pseudo-bob. This is not a crime in and of itself, but she was speaking in tongues in the last song/video ("romantasies" anyone?) so you never know. She could be in league with the devil.
As for Ms. Right over there on the... right, there seems to be some sort of Amy Winehouse Hallowe'en costume going on. We mean, come on love. Ms. Winehouse, no matter how you feel about her, OWNS that beehive. It is her look. And any attempt at recreating it, no matter how well-intentioned, just smacks of tribute act or late-to-the-table parody. Sort it out, please.
So... that's probably your lot. If you're wondering what execrable music-ruiners Scouting For Girls have to do with this post, well... not a lot. They also seem to have disappeared, post-first-album. And let's hope they stay that way. Embarrassingly shit 'indie' acts from the last few years who have suddenly realised how terrible their debut album was, have a habit of turning up again a couple of years later with a new afro-beat or calypso-inspired sound. If there's anything worse than spoiled, white, middle-class, mockney, drama school graduates making music that sounds like it was composed by three year olds with attention deficit disorder, it's spoiled, white, middle-class, mockney, drama school graduates trying to make Africa-inspired music. Leave it to people who actually know what they're doing, please.
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