The Grammys: The Highlight...

We watched the Grammys (the Grammies? the 'Grammy's? the GRAMMYs?) so you wouldn't have to. Good thing too, cuz it was 10% muff, 80% fluff and then we fell asleep. Above is the much-hyped Lady GaGa vs. Queen Elton performance, and worra treat it is, readers! What doesn't it have? Well things it does have:

• A green leotard so high cut around the crotch, you get a lovely view of Lady GaGa's cervix.
• Two big queens with soot on their face.
• A double piano (doesn't that sound like a vile sex act?).
• Three songs ("Poker Face", "Speechless" and Elton John's "Your Song") for the price of one.
• Lots of 'little monster' claws, lyk, rawr lulz.
• Some dancers.
• Some singing.
• An idiot kind of 'Emcee' narrating, just in case you didn't get the contrived, flimsy and overacted concept behind the performance. What could possibly be going on? We had no idea until we were told! Silly us.

And that's your lot. Beyoncé and P!nk did rather special performances of "If I Were A Boy/You Oughta Know" and "Glitter in the Air", respectively, but they were practically lifted directly from their tours, both of which we've already seen (so as nice as they were, we didn't wet ourselves over them).

Oh and Taylor Swift, you can be as sweet and gracious as you like, but shouldn't you be able to sing in tune?! We thought it was worth asking.