Doing Things Differently, If S&N Were a Record Label #1: 'Pink Friday' - Nicki Minaj

A new day, a new feature. Because we, at Shiny & New are constantly restless and full of ideas, we're always picking up and dropping features, revisiting them and then canning them forever, forgetting them and then realising they were ace so should've stayed. This new one, with a ridiculously uncatchy name ('Doing Things Differently, If S&N Were a Record Label'), is something we've been thinking on/about for a while.

Basically, the concept is, there are album campaigns in existence that, despite a lot of potential and a lot of great work, were somehow accidentally (or purposefully) botched by either the artist or their record label. There are many reasons for this, and we'll look at them all individually, but it's sad. Not because it (often but not always) impacts the critical acclaim or commercial sales, but because it can sometimes (but not always) alter an artist's career, making them a laughing stock, hurting their credibility and/or confidence, or making investor's (labels and fans) less likely to endorse their next project.

Well, hindsight and retrospect are wonderful, yet deceitful, twin sisters of desire (?) and using them and our own delusion (we think we know best despite little to no experience or insider knowledge) we're going to attempt to retroactively salvage album campaigns that could've been so much more.

First, rap superstar Nicki Minaj's debut album, Pink Friday. Now, we know what you're thinking: Pink Friday wasn't a disaster. And, no, it wasn't. It's spawned four minor hits in the US, two in the UK, peaked at number 1 on the American album charts and sold in excess of a million copies. But it hasn't been the record-setting, enormo-campaign that everyone had (perhaps) hoped for. First of all, the campaign stalled when Nicki's first major single, "Massive Attack", completely flopped. It was down to a previously rejected demo called "Your Love" to provide her with her biggest hit to date in the US and save her from obscurity. And even then, none of her singles have provided her with the world-conquering, top ten smash she needs to launch her into the diva stratosphere.

Does such a song even exist on her album? Well, we think both the Kanye West and Rihanna collabs have that potential. Are they her best work? Certainly not! But they easily could have been her Two Big Hits. Interestingly enough, neither of them have been given the single treatment and Minaj still lacks that one big smash corker to take her to the next level. That's where we come in.

O'er the jump with thee for our full and well-thought through (not) campaign strategy!

If we were in charge of Minaj (that rhymed, we're so proud of ourselves), we would have insisted that as incredible as "Massive Attack" is (and it's this particular writer's most listened to Nicki song) it is not lead single material, especially not with the totally unnecessary Sean Garrett featuring on the chorus (we'd rather she sung it herself). Instead we would have taken this approach:

BUZZ SINGLE: "Roman's Revenge (feat. Missy Elliott)"
Eminem may be the most famous and successful and popular rapper on earth but he's also a homophobe and considering Minaj's huge gay fanbase, him spouting the word 'faggot' on one of her tracks manages the unfathomable feat of being both deeply offensive and boring. Like, really. Get a grip. Instead we would have asked the fabulous QUEEN OF HIP HOP, Missy Elliott to guest. She can get real aggressive when she raps, PLUS she's due a comeback, PLUS how fiery would it be to hear these to going at it? So fiery we would spontaneously 'uman combust, leaving nowt but our chuff left running around all lost and dribbling (if you get the reference, you get a kiss [on the cheek]). Of course, this isn't necessarily lead single material. It has a great hook and is instantly memorable and recognisable but it might have only charted inside the US. That's why we would have crafted an eye-popping video, labelled it a promo or buzz release, allowed it to introduce the world to the legend that is Nicki Minaj and if it charted that would be a bonus.

1st/Lead Single: "Fly (feat. Rihanna)"
Tricky, but considering the popularity of "Your Love" we would have gone with this midtempo ballad. Is it soppy? Yes. Is it mawkish? Yes. Is it potentially a massive attack hit? YES. Seriously, this would have been huge. We can just imagine it. Rihanna is basically King Midas at the moment, the way everything she touches turns to HIT, and despite the *sob* inspirational *barf* chorus, Nicki's rapping on the verses is as rapid-fire, whip-smart and catchy as her best work. The production brings new meaning to the word: generic (that's the awful JR Scrotum Rotem for you) but Minaj is so flawless at rapping, it doesn't matter, and you know every radio station in the world would fall over themselves to play this.

2nd Single: "Blazin (feat. Kanye West)"
3rd Single: "Your Love"
4th Single: "Moment 4 Life"
5th Single: "Girls Fall Like Dominoes"

So there. That would be our singles campaign. We would leave out "Right Thru Me" (fine and enjoyable but not a fave) and "Check It Out" ('fun', yes, but not the chart smash everyone clearly thought it would be). We think that would provide the world with means to realise that Nicki Minaj is a superstar and wake up/smell the coffee (insert other clichés).

Our brain is actually melting here from having looked at a screen for so long so we'll keep the rest short and saccharine. Oh sorry, sweet. Other things we'd change would be artwork, tracklisting and collaborators. Artwork-wise, we feel the extant cover is 'unique' and er... 'unusual', but we would have preferred something more striking and brash. We knocked up the above in about 5 minutes so it is predictably shoddy ('soz'), but you get the idea. Tracklisting, we would alter to look along these lines:

1. "I'm The Best"
   
2. "Roman's Revenge (feat. Missy Elliott)"
3. "Massive Attack"
4. "Right Thru Me"
5. "Muny"
6. "Blazin' (feat. Kanye West)"
7. "Moment 4 Life"
8. "Here I Am (feat. M.I.A.)"
9. "Your Love"
10. "Check It Out (feat. Pearl Future)"
11. "Blow Ya Mind"
12. "Girls Fall Like Dominoes"
13. "Save Me"
14. "Catch Me (feat. Peaches)"
15. "Wave Ya Hand"
16. "Fly (feat. Rihanna)"

Cut and deleted would be the abysmal Natasha Bedingfield collab, the unlistenably self-indulgent "Dear Old Nicki", revoltingly scatological "Did It On'em" and the forgettable "Super Bass". The collaborations would be altered to showcase more female talent. Considering on "Girls Fall Like Dominoes", Nicki intones an ode to sisterhood and her peers, it's a shame that the only two female collaborators were Rihanna (love) and NatBed (puke). We would team her up with Missy, as previously mentioned, Peaches, M.I.A. and Pearl Future. She's already worked with Pearl on the fierce-as-fire "Lookin' At Me", and it'd help bring the underrated latter to the world's attention.

AND, we believe that's it.

Now of course, we don't want Nicki (or her stans) to take this the wrong way and think we're insulting. Of course we're not. We bow down at the Minaj feet, too, after all. All we're offering is some smartarse opinion, laced with love, like a cake made of onions (!). We also realise that this imagined album campaign would be impossible, due to the fact that not all the songs named were completed in that order. But whatever. This is our alternate dream reality, let us inhabit it.