So this Kylie thing

We’re not going to pretend we’re super high up schmaltzy glitzy VIP journalists - give us a couple more years - so our hands are held up high; we got into Kylie’s super exclusive Manchester gigs this weekend just gone because we... work on the bar. We’re not complaining though. Despite our complicated relationship with Miss Minogue (see below) there were no issues with being paid £60 for seeing her twice in a 3000 person capacity venue, especially not once £55 in tips were included in the deal. Rich gays of Manchester, you just scored us two nights out. 

So about this complicated relationship. If you know anything about our ‘taste’ in artists, you’ll be aware that we tend to gravitate more toward pop stars who demonstrate a bit of fire. A bit of imagination, flair, creativity. Passion, anger, that specific brand of dynamism which sorts the wheat from the chaff. Basically, we still think Kylie isn’t the best example of any of these things. To us, Kylie is a bit of a doll upon which other producers can impress their music and use as a sort of conduit. Don’t get us wrong, we love so many artists who fall into this category. Girls Aloud are probably our favourites, but Britney and to a certain extent even Beyoncé could fall under this complicated umbrella. Nevertheless, there are countless Kylie songs we adore and we completely appreciate her professionalism and dedication as a performer. The X2008 Tour was almost flaw free (the Barry Manilow section dragged it down like the Vasa ship’s top heavy masts. Sorry, Stockholm in-joke) with incredible re-inventions of old material courtesy of her very own long-term Stuart Price, Steve Anderson. But we’re still not big enough fans to pay to see her. We considered the Aphrodite Les Folies Tour but as fabulous as that album was, £80 is a bracket only our most favourite bitches fall into.

Regardless, this is about the performances we did witness. The concept? Something we were totally on board for, and if it was something Madonna would ever commit to - lol - we would be first in line. Album tracks, B-sides and rarities... basically everything the true diehards lie in bed wanking about or like us, making dream setlists including them all. We immediately admired her decision to embark on this, because there’s not much in it for her. Apart from the aforementioned £80 a head profit. Due to the venue sizes, it was literally Kylie and her band. No arena sized dance crew, video screens or elaborate costumes. Another key factor... we assumed the setlist would be void of anything we knew. Our knowledge of her discography is scattered. Obviously we know all the hits from the breadth of her career, but we also know her two most recent albums exceptionally well. From watching her recent tours, we know a few of the odd Eighties ones too. It turned out that we knew three out of twenty two - “Stars” from X, “Too Much” from Aphrodite and “Got to Be Certain” from Kylie - which wasn’t too bad considering our trepidation.

And what was it like? Well the atmosphere was crackling with 3000 of her biggest fans in a relatively - no, scrap the relatively - small venue and within metres of their idol. The obvious homosexual men were accompanied by strong contingents from both the straight and gay female demographics (can we just note that lesbians are the best tippers) and the roars of appreciation were deafening. The first half of the show was the weaker side, with incredibly obscure B-sides being pumped out to a crowd of which at times less than a quarter of were familiar with. Again, it was an odd situation because for the fans who had dreamed of hearing one of their favourite random B-sides live it would be one of the greatest moments of their fandom, a drop of distilled euphoria that would never be experienced again - but those fans seemed to be few and far between. We adored “Stars” and “Too Much” before we knew they were in the set so they were obviously the ones were enjoyed the most, however around five tracks came from the oft-lauded Impossible Princess album of which we now have a much greater appreciation. It was thrilling to see someone of such a great stature within the world of pop in such a tiny venue, and we even had a mini claim to fame when we were asked by our very big boss to take a glass of red wine straight to the stage after she requested one from the audience. We saw Kylie Minogue take a sip of wine from the cup we poured. Not sure whether that beats the being motor-boated by Beth Ditto story or not. 

So, to conclude. Excellent idea, not entirely sure how successful it’s execution was - to plan an entire set totally, totally void of hits was very daring - but her biggest fans were clearly in nirvana. As a performer she was what we expected in terms of talent, however having her lyrics sheet on stage didn’t half ruin the magic a tad (in interests of fairness, this was something Björk also did on her Biophilia run in Manchester). Whatever. We saw Kylie at the Manchester Academy, made a bucket load of tips, gave her a glass of wine and generally had a couple of nights we’re probably never going to experience again. Huzzah.