Alesha Dixon looks fantastic in this video...

We decided to stick with the positives for this critique/appraisal/review. So there you go: Alesha Dixon (or 'Alesha' as she seems to be these days) is still beautiful and is good at dancing.

Positives.

Trepidation.

Is it just us or does this sound a bit... cheap? You know, A Level Music Tech student making potentially exciting, but essentially 2dimensional instrumental demos on Cubase? No?

An autumnal Alesha Dixon video...

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

Nothing happens in this video.

Sorry! Did we ruin it for you? Oh well. This is the brand new non-eventful Leonalike single from Alesha Dixon, who previously we found charming and now we're a bit over. She hasn't done anything wrong, and our 'like' hasn't turned to dislike, but we're having one of those phases where frivolous pop stars with very little artistic wallop just don't do it for us. 'No offence'.

Anyway this single is all in aid of the big fat RE-RELEASE (see, we told you the world had gone re-release crazy) of Alesha's second proper studio album (although the first to see the light of day in Britain) The Alesha Show. It's aptly called The Alesha Show: The Encore, and comes replete with this brand new spanking artwork, seen below in sharp relief with the single artwork for the above single and video packaaage.



Exciting times, readers (covert eye roll)...

Is it just us or is this a little bit 'Leona'???

No offence to the lovely Alesha Dixon but this is more than a little bit tinged with La Lewis. Not that La Lewis invented the emotional pop ballad, but there's just something about it that reeks of Leonz.

Mind you, having said that, it is about 10 times more memorable than "Happy", the new Ms. Lewlew single (that's still not saying much and a backhanded compliment if ever there was one). This is obviously not our thing, but it's a slow Saturday afternoon, and until Björk gets off her ass and releases new material, we'll be reporting on this relative 'dross' to pass the time.

We can't decide

... whether this is dark and delicious or cheap and meaningless.

A cheap Alesha Dixon video...

The idea is nice, and the song is sweet but it quite honestly looks like it was filmed on someone's phone.

We like her minge-flashing dress at the end though.

Drum Roll *BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

And the award of lacklustre-but-listenable pop album of the year goes to THE ALESHA SHOW by Alesha Dixon. Last year this illustrious award went to Sophie Ellis-Bextor for her technically amazing, but actually quite underwhelming effort, Trip The Light Fantasticzzzzzz.

Now, we quite like Alesha Dixon. We like how she's likeable. We like how she's down-to-earth. We like how she used to belt out chavvy UK grime during otherwise very average UK R&B trax 4 Mis-teeqz. We like her in that N.E.R.D video. We liked her even more in that BBC3 programme about photoshop.

Her album, however, whilst being actually quite tolerable and not the worst pop confection on the landscape (that'd be the Sugababes' opus) is not particularly exciting in any way shape or form. There's not much feistiness. There's not much soul-bearing. It's quite tasteful actually.

This is a massive shame. We don't like tastefulness. We're sure people who watch Strictly Cum On My Arsehole do, however. Anyway we're not sure where we're going with this. Let's just leave you with the thought that it's 25 days til Christmas. (Far more importantly, it's twelve days until the Shiny & New Album of the Year ceremonies! - Ed)

COVERART WARZZZZ! Part #1

This time... (the first time)... it's Alesha's new album 'The Alesha Show' vs. Britney's new album, 'Circus'.


Ridiculous hair
Britney: 4/10 (à la Jessica Simpson)
Alesha: 6/10 (à la Frizzy poodle)

Silly cream curtain
Britney: 5/10 (Crumply and matte)
Alesha: 10/10 (Silky and ruched)

Big red curtains
Britney: 0/10 (Off-photo, twixt her legs)
Alesha: 7/10 (Present and correct with gold-tassled ropes)

Retro font
Britney: 10/10 (Sort of Counting Crows' 'Hard Candy' meets real-life Circus font)
Alesha: 4/10 (Fairly run-of-the-mill)

And the winner is...
Alesha.

Well that was fucking boring wasn't it?