Stuck In Our Head: "Lay It On Me" - Kelly Rowland (feat. Big Sean)

Is Kelly Rowland about to be super successful in a way that her stans could only have dreamt of for years and years? This sounds like it could be both a hit in the US and Europe. It's also a major earworm, meaning that despite its distinctly generic flavour, we have been able to sing NOTHING ELSE over the past couple of days. Try and NOT get it stuck in your head. It is imposs.

Sexy Dirge

As far as midtempo R&B sexathons go, this is pretty great. Tuneful, limber, sessy. Good work, Rowland. This never-ending album campaign is throwing up some goodies.

An essay on how wonderful the Freemasons are, and why.

The Freemasons are absolutely brilliant. That is going to be the spin of this here piece of writing, so if you disagree, GO AWAY. But at least click on one of the ads at the side, Google needs to pay us more money.

The Freemasons are two men who live in Brighton and make amazing remixes of amazing songs. There are many remixers out there who have fashioned incredible new versions of classic songs, and there are many remixers who perhaps do something even more admirable – they make incredible versions of pretty shite songs. However, it is the norm of these people/outfits to not really count consistency as one of their greatest assets. We won’t name names, but Bimbo Jones for example has made some brill stuff and some bad stuff. The Freemasons? They. Can. Do. No. Wrong. And it’s not like we don’t have the evidence to back us up – no, no sirree, we’ve compiled a full portfolio of evidence, your honour, that the Freemasons are in fact the best thing in the world. Well, after Diet Coke, Madonna and peanut M&Ms. In March, around the time Sophie Ellis-Will-Never-Make-It-Big-Shame-But-Weird-Looking-So-Whatever-Bextor featured on the terrific “Heartbreak (Make Me Dancer)” we pondered why hadn’t we written about our appreciation for these princes of the pop pantheon before?

Point one: Green Light EP - Beyoncé
It could be argued that Beyoncé is the star who made the Freemasons stars. They had had sporadic success before hooking up with Mathew Knowles’ number one friend on MySpace, but creating the seminal Green Light EP of remixes of amazing tunes from B’s sophomore B’ Day was their first moment of genius. The first time we heard “Deja Vu” as swizzled up by the Brighton boys we got very excited and realised that God awful (see above when we called all songs remixed for the Green Light EP amazing, “Deja Vu most certainly isn’t) campaign lead singles can be turned into highly thrilling ditties. “Beautiful Liar” featuring the glittering Shakira (we’ll see more of her later) is severely heightened in the glamour stakes with a funny old bhangra man in the background, the eponymous “Green Light” was officially the best possible choice for a polyphonic ring tone in 2006 and “Ring the Alarm” – well, where do we start? “Ring the Alarm” is one of the Freemasons’ finest achievements, making “He’s so arrogant and bold” sound quite successfully like “He’s so African and bo”. We know it makes no sense but it sounds good. Those climatic strings – argh. Epic.

We still think to this day that if Beyoncé and the Freemasons had teamed up for a one-off show at G-A-Y or something and just performed the entire EP it would have been the greatest thing since... whatever. You know how good it would have been. Beyoncé knows it too. That’s why she wanted to make an entire album – what became I Am... Sasha Fierce – with them. But Mathew Knowles thought it would be too gay.

Point two: “Million Dollar Bill” – Whitney Houston
Let’s be honest, Ms. Houston is what you would call a bit of a flash in the pan. It just hasn’t worked out for her, has it? She went away for a few years, and to be fair she probably gave her ‘comeback’ the best shot she could muster – she did the promo, she did a relatively good album, she even did the world tour, despite her voice being beyond a shadow of its former self. Despite all of this, it just didn’t work. She won’t ever reach the dizzying heights she once met with ease. Sad face. What ever could turn our frown upside down? That’s it, a Freemasons remix of the Alicia Keys-penned lead single!

There aren’t many songs which can achieve the reaction “Million Dollar Bill” gets in a gay club when the DJ plays it. The entire place just erupts, and whether you are a Whitney fan or not, it is the most perfect little slice of brilliance you drop everything for the dance floor. Songwriters taking classes in Pop Music Euphoria 101 should listen to “Million Dollar Bill (Freemasons Mix” on day one of school.

Point three: “I Decided, Pt. 2” – Solange
We have a very special place in our hearts for dear Solange. She was one of the very first people we championed on Shiny & New, and her yellow lipstick had taken us all in when we first heard the most fantastic nod to Motown, “I Decided, Pt. 1” and the ecstatic “Sandcastle Disco”. In a theme began with her sister’s Green Light and continued with ‘family friend’ Kelly Rowland’s “Work” – more on her later – clearly some very clever record execs decided the original version was too ‘urban’ for Europe and needed gaying up. Much of the Freemasons’ income relies on these decisions.

And so, “I Decided, Pt. 2” was born – unusually named as the second part to the original, instead of being given the (Freemasons Mix) tag. Again, rather unusually for the ‘Mases, they seem to simply give the rather bare and basic (nuttin’ wrong with that, mind) “Pt. 1” a fully fleshed out incarnation rather than taking a complete pop song and turning it into a dance spectacular. It marks them out as above and beyond a standard remixing outfit; they only serve to plus the song. Solange and the song both deserve far more UK success than they received.

Point four: “The One” – Kylie Minogue
We’re sure regular readers of S&N know full well our feelings toward the lesser of the Minogue sisters (we don’t really have an opinion on that, we just like to rile stans up) – we simply love to hate the woman. She makes excellent, brilliant pop, so as much as she personally irritates the fuck out of us we try our hardest to detach the person from the music due to it being impossible to ignore how amazing it is. “The One” is one of our personal favourite Minogue songs ever, and is by far the finest track to be lifted from the gay-dividing X.

A pulsating love song backed by overwhelming synths, it stands as one of her finest dance-pop productions of recent years and we have the Freemasons and the Freemasons only to thank for this. They didn’t just remix the track (although they did provide a blissfully long 9-minute edit for clubs), they produced it in the first place. Maybe the reason why it stands out as an unmistakeable highlight on an album of hits and misses is the ridiculously high level of quality in production. It’s just a pleasure to listen to.


Point five: “Work” – Kelly Rowland
We don’t really know where to begin with this. What the Freemasons did to “Work”, a pretty standard – yet surprisingly filthy – RnB/dance track Kelly put out in a rather desperate attempt to claw back some of the former glory only Destiny’s Child could give her, is probably their finest effort. As we mentioned earlier, some record label executives have seen fit, particularly with alumni and friends of previously mentioned amazing girl band DC, to release a song in the United States and provide a remix, nearly always dance-orientated to European markets. How well this works is debatable, but we thank our lucky stars every time we hear this particular remix our home country is part of Europe.

Kelly opens both tracks with “This ain’t gon’ be easy” oozing with sex and syrup (isn’t that a Christina Aguilera track?) but in the remix it just sounds so much hotter. It’s an absolute mess of bhangra beats, horns, strings, synths, house piano and it works like alchemy. Its absolutely epic, a track of mammoth, supreme proportions and something Kelly should be – and from the sound of her latest release “Commander”, is – very proud of.

Point six: “Wonderful Life” – Hurts
You should already be aware of how exceptional Hurts are, and if you don’t, leave this blog immediately. “Wonderful Life” isn’t our personal favourite of theirs, but “Better Than Love” is a hard track to top. However, it seems to lend itself very well to remixes, and the Freemasons Edit is no different. After 1,300 words on how brilliant these two men are, we completely understand if you’re knackered and bored. So are we. But they deserve this applause, and “Wonderful Life” being their most recent mix and one of their very best, deserves a little spotlight. It seems they brainstormed around a central theme of ‘Pet Shop boys in Berlin after a long weekend in Tiesto’s Dutch love nest’ and somehow it popped out as a fully formed pop classic. Highlighting the highs, brushing over the lows – what they do best.

We’re exhausted. Email us your postal address and we’ll send you a chocolate medal if you made it this far. Well done.

Camp with latex...

This is how behind we are...

In case you hadn't noticed, we went on a bit of a hiatus. Well, we're sorry about that, and before long we'll be BACK BACK BACK in full effect. In the meantime here's Kelly Rowland singing "Commander" extremely well on The Graham Norton Show last week (!!!). There's gonna be a Robyn live review coming along shortly so look out for that.

Stick around folks.

When Buttons Take Over.

Yes we're well aware we should be hung, drawn and quartered for the headline, above.

Dance.

Everything about Kelly Rowland's new single, "Commander", screams 'fine', 'fun' and 'forgettable'. It's not quite the masterpiece we were hoping for, as gay devotees. And yet... we keep coming back to it. It is on repeat in our head(s). Therefore, it must be at least a little bit good.

It's Saskia Ferocious!

We're joking, clearly (we have a deep abiding gay love for Ms. Kelly Rowland and wish her all the 'best in life'), but we knew it was only a matter of time before her alter-ego made an appearance. It's all the rage.

On a not-entirely-unrelated note: aren't these pictures (via That Grape Juice) utterly fantastic? If the material on her upcoming early summer album is as striking and fun as these promo shots, it'll be a worthy listen.

An Ibiza-themed Rowland/Guetta video

It does the job, doesn't it?! It seems, nowadays, that all you can really ask for, from a video, is that it does the job. It's a sad state of affairs. But it's our reality. A cold reality. But it's our truth. A truth we must universally acknowledge.

Recommendations
"Work (Freemasons Remix)" - Kelly Rowland
"Love Is Gone" - David Guetta
Priceless: Kelly Rowland's face

Another highlight from Radio 1's 'Big' Weekend

Kelly Rowland's vocals are extremely flawless, aren't they? Apparently even David Guetta got goosebumps (Jo Whiley said so, allegedly).

We can pretty much guarantee you will be dancing to this at some point during summer '09

This, good readers, is the new David Guetta single and what's extra special about this one is that it features non-other than (mildly guilty) S&N fave Kelly Rowland on vo-cah-lez.

We know it sounds a little bit like "Cocks" (sorry, "Clocks") by Coldplay, but we don't really care, because by June, at least, we will all be dancing around in a NON-drug-induced haze, with our hands in the air to this massive, bonkers, silly club anthem.