Don't Hold Your Breath (She Won't Release An Album)

A while ago, Popjustice did a feature on the trials and tribulations of Nicole Schzerzinger's latest single. If you'd like the abbreviated version: the song, "Don't Hold Your Breath", started out life as a Timbaland-4-Keri-Hilson demo. You can hear the demo here. It is not bad, and, in fact, if Keri really wanted a worldwide hit for her 'sophomore' album, this would've done the trick a lot better than any of the pseudo-soul guff or flagrant 'pussy-popping' she decided to release instead.

Anyway, Keri was off on her adventure of seemingly intentional flop, and Nicole Scherzinger was so desperately in need of a hit that would take her to a point that she might finally be able to release an album that she had practically GLUED herself to RedOne for the past year. And then this somehow fell into her hands.

At some point in the past month or so, a demo version leaked online, first without Scherzinger's vocals and then WITH them. We are almost certain this is the version WITH her vocals

As you can hear, it is impeccable and flawless. A light-as-air stomper (they do exist, oxymoronic as that sounds) somewhere between Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" and a Nelly Furtado mega-midtempo, it is exactly the sort of thing Nicole should be releasing if she doesn't want to go the same way as Poor Gurl Keri.

Unfortunately, that is not the single version. The video has appeared online today and, we are sad to say, RedOne, or whoever has produced it, seems to have almost completely done away with the glimmering production in favour of a RAMP-IT-UP, CASCADA, FEMALE BASSHUNTER approach.

We know which version we'll have in our iTunes (clue: NOT THE FINAL VERSION).

Oh Keri, gurl, what's going on?

This is an album cover a DRAG QUEEN would be proud of. We're not sure if that qualifies as a compliment or not. The jury is still out. But Oh Gurl. What has happened with La Hilson? Has she decided that in a post-GaGa world, sickeningly-catchy Pop/R&B midtempos aren't enough to pay the mortgage and she has to go all out? Or is she just having a very public nervous breakdown. Or are her record label filled with internet forum posters, making dreadful decisions and mismanaging her budget? Or is there even a budget? Maybe one of those aforementioned internet forum posters designed, conceived and executed (quite literally... well, maybe not literally) the coverart.

Who knows? Keri had it all set up for her a killer sophomore album: she seems to be generally liked, despite the fierce competition in her department of the music industry (female solo could-be-superstars) she seemed to have the edge, what with writing most of her tunes (so we've been lead to believe), and even with only one proper hit ("Knocks You Down") under her belt, she could've built on it to become the megastar her stans would've wanted.

But now, but now, but now...

What with one megaflop lead single, the unmemorable and dirge-tastic "Breaking Point", and a totally inadvisable look overhaul, Keri may be consigned to the halls of the fame. The One Hit Wonder branch. The Minor One Hit Wonder branch. If she's lucky.

Keri Hilson: no.

Interesting that Keri Hilson is trying to make a break from the current synthpop overload (we wish other people would too) but still: underwhelming.

We like "I Like"...

One of those things we are A MILLION YEARS LATE ON (sorry sorry sorry) but we like enough to post about anyway. Keri Hilson's new single. Not sure what it's 'off of'. It's hummable. It has one of the most boring and unimaginative videos ever shot of all time. Whilst we're on the subject of things we're a million years late on, here, below, is the video for Toni Braxton's "Yesterday". It's another video of almost mindboggling pointlessness, but it's another song of inoffensive pop&B goodness. Enjoy both.

We like this kind of thing!

Throw-backs. Self-referencing. Recycling. We like it at Shiny & New. It's nice to hear an artist briefly for a few seconds revisit a past song of theirs, especially if it's one we love, especially if they are doing it in a song we love. And lately, it might just be us, but there seems to be a lot of it going about! Check out the exampz below and feel free to let us know any we are missing out on and need to get with. We wanna know!

In her lead single from career-spanning greatest hits Celebration, Madonna was apparently meant to include a roster of lyrics hinting at her past hits but the only one that stood out for us was this lifting return to 1985's "Into the Groove", taking us back to possibly her finest, most famous, most simple dance song and changing the questioning of her dance partner into a firm command to move.

Step to the beat, boy / That's what it's for
"Celebration", 2009

Step to the beat, boy / What will it be?
"Into the Groove", 1985

It's only been out a few weeks but we are already in love with P!nk's "Push You Away", a bonus track on the tour re-release of her 2008 masterpiece Funhouse. It follows the same lyrical themes as the brilliant "Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)", the song dealing with love/hate, push/pull that anyone in a long-term relationship could tell you about.

I know I said that "You don't own me, / just leave me alone I'm lonely"
"Push You Away", 2009

Tonight, leave me alone / I'm lonely
"Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)", 2006

Guest-featuring on the effervescent Keri Hilson's "Knock You Down", Ne-Yo - not one of our favourites but undoubtedly one of the finest song-writing talents in music today - throws in the signature line and melody of one of his best known songs, paying tribute to Hilson herself in the process.

Miss Independent / To the fullest
"Knock You Down", 2009

That's why I love her / Miss Independent
"Miss Independent", 2008

Finally, the biggest break-out artist of 2008 and 2009 combined, Lady GaGa has punched us in the balls and dragged us by them through an album and a half of the finest new pop music that has been produced since, what, True Blue? Despite this throw-back coming a year after the release of the song it references, we not only think this is completely deserved, but completely fits into GaGa's themeing within the song itself and the album it sits on. We love that. GaGa does themeing.

I wanna Just Dance / but he took me home instead
"Monster", 2009

Just dance / Gonna be okay
"Just Dance", 2007/8

Did we miss any?

Stuck In Our Head: "On and On" - Utada, "Energy" - Keri Hilson

As you may have noticed, we've been away, but now we're back. More news to come. For now, though, here are two songs that were stuck in our head today. Both sort of constitute generic R&B, although Utada's is rendered interesting by the fact that even when she's spewing out something specifically intended to chart well in America, she's so bonkers that it's still a little bit skewed, and Keri's is... well... repetitive and derivative, but it's stuck in our head. Utada on the left, Keri on the right. Enjoy!

COVERART WARZZZZ! Part #4

It's anodyne R&B Divas Edition!!!!!



Hotness:
Keri Hilson: 5/10 (gorgeous lady in awkward position)
Ciara: 3/10 (beautiful woman looks shiny)

CGI Backdrop:
Keri Hilson: 6/10 (violet fantasy sunrise)
Ciara: 2/10 (cheap purple Gotham)

LOGO:
Keri Hilson: 4/10 (unmemorable but shit)
Ciara: 4/10 (memorable but shit)

Photoshop Skillzzzzzzz:
Keri Hilson: 7/10 (irridescent indigo mess)
Ciara: 1/10 (crayons in Paint)

And the winner is...
Keri Hilson... but only by virtue of being the lesser of two evils. TRY HARDER LADIES.

Stuck In Our Head: "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson with Kanye West and Ne-Yo

Earlier this year we were vaguely damning about Keri Hilson's long delayed solo 'effort' - we just didn't think it had the personality to cut it. Well we'd probably still stand by that statement in terms of the album-as-a-whole, but that doesn't stop us thinking this single is VERY GOOD. It has enough hooks to keep everyone happy, and that sort of vaguely 'ravey' (take note, Steve Appleton) R&B synth that Timbaland made popular. The tune is also stellar. Yes, yes it doesn't reinvent the pop wheel and it's not going to change your life, but sometimes, as we've said before and we'll say again, you just have to let your ear-organs take over and just enjoy. Bonus point as well for:

"I was the captain of my pimp ship flying high."

Classical!

Sigh...

Keri Hilson finally LOOKS like a popstar in this video. After years of appearing as a guest artist on songs, appearing as the booty in music videos and writing songs for other people left, right and centre, Ms. Hilson is finally making a go of it as a solo superstar.

She does look the part. Unfortunately her vocals are rather undistinctive and the song, whilst featuring some ace production, is forgettable at best.

Poor Keri.