If Madonna needs any help with ideas for her next world tour she need look no further than this:

This, ladies and genteeelmanz, is John Jack Barrowmanz performing his single, cheesetastic What About Us, at the Royal Variety Performance.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS.

The choreography. The white-clad couples dancing in the mist. The autumnal leaves drifting slowly down in the background.

This performance would not look amiss on an episode of Top of the Pops from the 70s. GENIARSE.