Lyrical Dissection: A Take That Edition

We don't necessarily have anything against Take That. In fact we've been known to sing along ON OCCASION. However... no one is exempt when it comes to a good, hard Lyrical Dissection and the most recent Take Shat single, Up All Shite (oh fucking hell... *fires self*) has its fair share of CRIMINAL lyrics... therefore we shall cut and probe (what is wrong with us today?!).

Here we go:

"Sometimes I see your face looking at me"
This lyric is just inexcusably bad. Lazy, obvious and completely flagrant (that's sort of the same as obvious). It's like that Razorshite (we're on a roll) lyric where he sings about going out and then coming back in again. It's like when our friend told us a story about how she got her hair cut and when it was cut it was shorter. It is pointing out the obvious. We are aware that faces do other things, aside from looking at people, but it is a bit like writing a lyric that goes "Sometimes I see your legs walking along". Legs don't always walk along, but they do it so often that pointing out is not only insulting but horrible to the ears.

"All your love and grace smiling at me
All the things we had and never understood
At times it cuts me up thinking of you
All the hope has gone wasted on you"
This bit is not that bad although the cutting line is a tad emo, non Gazza Barlozza?

"All the talks we had never did no good"
Grammar, boys.

"Oh maybe I don´t need you to save me"
Sometimes we envision a paradies. A nonexistant and perfect utopia where music artists never ever rhyme the words "baby", "lady", "crazy", "maybe", "save me" or "hazy".

"I just want you to help me cos
you´re keeping me up all night"
What they're saying, right, is that this woman, right, that has LEFT them, right, is SO HOT AND SEXY that they can't stop thinking of her in a SEXUAL WAY. When they say that they want her to help them, they mean "give us a hand" as in TOSS US OFF. This is specifically disturbing considering the 'boys'/'lads' are singing this to a bevy of children in the video.

"I´m so tired of waiting
Waiting here for nothing
I should be up all night with you"
The boys are now suggesting that, life would be preferable if this hot, sexy mama were up all night SHAGGING THEM ALL SENSELESS, instead of leaving them to lie awake in their bunkbeds staring at their boners confusedly. (The thing is, readers, we're not even exaggerating this... these lyrics clearly are about sex. They are not singing about staying up all night playing Mahjong or doing 1200 piece puzzles! See the covertedness of pop lyrics... you probably didn't even think that this song might be about that because it's Take That and you expect it to be about Shining and being Patient and... oh that's enough of that).

"Pour another glass
While I watch the bottle disappear
While I watch the morning light appear
Thinking about you"
Take That touch on the important and very SAD problem of alcoholism.

"I met this girl last night and she said
'Why won't you marry me?'
He met this girl last night and she said
'Why won't you marry me?'"
Er...... we don't understand this bit. This is not a standard thing that girls in bars say, unless you're in a suspicious one called Fatal Attractionz or Psychoz or something.

"But I´m too young for that
Too dumb for that
Too broke for that
Too tired for that
Too proud for that
And I´m too gone for that
Would you like to come back to my flat?"
Basically Take That don't want to get married, they just want hard, fast meaningless sex which is a load of bollocks because we swear most of them are married anyway, and if not are probably gay (yeah we speculate about people's sexuality - so sue us!... no PLEASE DON'T!). ANYWAY, Take That are not young or broke but we're not sure about the other things. This song is clearly not written from the point of view of Take That. We can now come to the conclusion that the song is written from a random horny male's perspective. We like especially how at the end of that bit he solicits a young lady for fuckytimes without even trying to conceal it? Oh PLEASE... what did you think they were going to do in his flat? Watch Desperate Housewives?! COVER YOUR CHILDREN'S EARS.