Compare 'n' Contrast: Cheryl vs. Nadine

We know it is perhaps lazy, perhaps snoresome and perhaps even sexist to pit Cheryl against Nadine. But whatever, you knew it was coming, and we're going to try and keep it classy and pertinent, so hush youse.

What it is is is Cheryl Cole's comeback-post-malaria-sophomore-album-lead-single-survival-anthem. What the other thing is is is Nadine's debut-solo-lead-first-album-lead-single about being addicted to glasses of water (or something).

Right off the bat we feel we should just tell you that Nadine's single is about 23.8 times better than Cheryl's. It just is, there is absolutely no way round it. It's not just because Nadine can actually sing, and Cheryl can only whine melodically, like a classically-trained gnat. No. It's not even because Nadine clearly has wider and less face-palmy influences than Cheryl. Whilst Ms. Coyle has worked with GENIUS WILLIAM ORBIT, the much-maligned but still incredible Xeno-to-the-mania and a bevy of songwriting and producing people that you have probably *actually* heard of, Cheryl (who seems to be in a perpetual state of wishing she was black, American and signed to Def Jam - sorry, love it ain't gonna happen) has worked with a lot of hit-making urban producers in a bid for relevancezzzzzz. The irony is that Nadine's song sounds fresher because it's trying less hard.

"Promise This", the Cheryl single, starts with a bizarre and frantic repetition of the french word 'alouette' which, in the wise words of Wiki is "a popular French Canadian children's song about plucking the feathers off a skylark, a small bird. It originated with the French Canadian fur trade." Quite what Cheryl is trying to say with this, we may never know. But it feels unnecessary and unfortunately is the most interesting thing about the song. The rest is a hyper-uptempo-affair in which Our Cherly sings morbidly about dying before she wakes over a sub-Taio Cruz synth symphony. It's not offensive to our ears, and is, in fact, a million times better than the "Fight For This Love" a.k.a. THE MOST BORING SONG EVER WRITTEN, RECORDED AND/OR RELEASED. But it's not (probably not - we're not actually clairvoyant) going to stand The Test of Time. There's something peppy and irritating about it. This is pop music journalism at its absolute NADIR.

Anyway, by contrast, Nadine's song, "Insatiable", is a huge Alanis-meets-Duffy-over-some-synth-pads A N T H E M that is both immediately catchy, holds up to repeat listen and feels both current and classic. It's probs not going to make our end of year best songs, and it might not even make it onto our iPods/Phones (delete as applicable). BUT, and it's a big but (not a 'big butt', but a 'big but') it's a song we certainly can imagine ourselves thrashing about to/choreographing interpretive dance to/wailing along to in the car. Anyway, even if you don't agree with us, you have to concede that Nadine wins this round by default because she's also named her album Insatiable whereas Cheryl has called hers... wait for it... *drumroll*...

MESSY LITTLE RAINDROPS

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.