Big sigh...

Today the world experienced Madonna's new single for the first time, in its entirety, and there's been such a weird hot mess of reactions, we feel the need to sort the wheat from the chaff (or basically, blast everyone else and claim ourselves as the sole owners of the correct opinion).

• First of all, let's get this off our chests: it's not terrible. There were lots of people (mostly Madonna fans, actually) being extremely dramatic on twitter and on their blogs, acting like this is the worst piece of music ever made. It's not even close. On a scale of terrible to amazing, it charts somewhere around 'mixed feelings but quite fun'. So there's that.

• Secondly. Whilst we acknowledge the above, we'd also like to make it known that we are QUITE AWARE that it is a little disappointing. It's a better track with the camp, biblical intro (that they have inexplicably cut from the lyric video, below) but it's not Madonna second single material really. We mean, maybe it is. But it's definitely not Madonna second single material after the most disappointing lead single of her career. It's not quite up to scratch.

• It saddens us deeply. Not the song, itself. That's fine, and we can't wait to do sessy 'Showgirls'-style dancing 'down the club' to it. But the fact that Madonna seems to have no passion left for music. That's also fine. Her passion is now funnelled into film. But surely she should just do a Timberlake and stop releasing music if the passion's not there. You can say what you want about 'W.E.' (and many have) but for all its flaws, it was a deeply passionate project. Every frame reeked of careful planning and swarmed with the energy of someone who felt they had art to make. Yes it was a critical and commercial flop, but it felt like Madonna's heart was in it.

• This song doesn't.

• Let's pray for a flawless video.