Elephant in the SICKRAVEYOUTHCULTUREWAREHOUSE

The blueprint for Alexandra Burke seems to have been 'British Beyoncé' from the beginning and for a long time it seemed like it was working. Yes, she may not have accrued international success, but 3 number 1s from her debut album and the distinction of being the only person ever to exit the British X Factor and not make life-endingly terrible music meant that she was definitely someone we were pro-, even if we knew we'd never really be fans.

In the intervening years since her last album (a period of time that feels like about 3 years, even if it's nowhere near that long) a lot has changed. The RedOne/early-GaGa/Taio Cruz/will-this-do/chuck-some-euro-rave-synths-on-everything-and-see-what-sticks chart reign of TERROR AND HORROR finally ended, when Tinchy Stryder's 3rd album, the follow up to his Gold-selling mainstream debut, charted at a shockingly low 48. Dubstep had gone from being something you only heard on radio 1 in the evenings in trendy remix form, to the playlist staple and the type of music that no uni pre-lash drinks event was complete without. The UK urban scene explosion started to seem more and more irritating and less and less bankable as each consecutive identical JLS rave-hop album sold fewer and fewer records. Beyoncé released a deeply untrendy, totally non-chart-friendly Prince-inspired record to great critical acclaim and a dearth of real hit singles. And, as Peter Robinson wrote in the guardian, Adele heralded in an era of chart beige.

So what is Alexandra Burke to do? Plough ahead with her first album's now outdated cheap euro house synths/decent R&B songwriting template? Or try for something daring and different? Clearly her record label have opted for the lazy third option of: vaguely attempt cash-in of Rihanna's latest hipster tumblr incarnation, use song that even Nicole Scherzinger wouldn't feature as a b-side and Rachel Adedeji would turn her nose up at. Film video in warehouse with fire extinguisher and 'lol crazy youth vaguely nihilistic 90s throwback antics'. Chuck on internet and see what happens.

It won't wash.

Which is a shame because, like we said before, Ms. Burke was, and still is, the only decent thing the UK X Factor has produced.