Finally.

We're exhausted. Here's our chat transcript while watching Lady GaGa's "Telephone" video. LOLs and OMGs galore. Can you blame us?

Rickytickytavy says:
let's start
A-Dolla says:
PRISON MUST MEAN LESBIANS
Rickytickytavy says:
LOL, LESBO GAGA AND LESBONCÉ
A-Dolla says:
very jackie brown typography... omg omg is that daryl hannah?
Rickytickytavy says:
this is so tarantino
A-Dolla says:
THIS IS BAD GIRLS
Rickytickytavy says:
Shawshank Lesdemption?
A-Dolla says:
how can she style her hair so well in prison? NAKED NAKED NAKED
Rickytickytavy says:
Jailhouse Rock? Cell Block Tango?
A-Dolla says:
i'm pissing with excitement... LMAO "I TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DICK": SELF-REFERENCING WE LOVE
Rickytickytavy says:
OMG OMG OMG.... this is SO DYKEY
A-Dolla says:
gratuitous headphones shot
Rickytickytavy says:
this is the lesbianest thing i have ever seen
A-Dolla says:
i love how dr dre finances all of her videos... omg is that kd lang?
Rickytickytavy says:
does he? LOL IT IS KD LANG!
A-Dolla says:
SHE THINKS SHE'S ACTUALLY MADONNA
Rickytickytavy says:
i bet they just put on the casting sheet: CALLING ALL LESBIANS
A-Dolla says:
erykah badu as onlooker... no sorry that's mel b
Rickytickytavy says:
Lady GaGa wants an oscar. she won't get one... PRECIOUS!?
A-Dolla says:
LMAO! I CAN'T TAKING THE SINGING SERIOUSLY NOW AFTER ALL THAT DYKEINESS
Rickytickytavy says:
i know... this is ridick. her acting is atrocious
A-Dolla says:
gwenny gwen gwen
Rickytickytavy says:
Madonna WinhouseGwenGwen?
A-Dolla says:
new name right there
Rickytickytavy says:
quite like this bit... dykey haircut alert! she needs to dance in time though, her dancers are outshining her
A-Dolla says:
story of her tour... VIRGIN MOBILE FUCK OFF
Rickytickytavy says:
madonna would never let that happen because she can actually dance
A-Dolla says:
HERE COMES BOUNCY
Rickytickytavy says:
omg i'm so fucking excited
A-Dolla says:
this is what we've been waiting for: "YOU'VE BEEN A VERY BAD GIRL I AM CUMMING... cum cum cum cum cum
Rickytickytavy says:
OH MY GOD I JUST DID A WEE IN MY PANTS
A-Dolla says:
forgot beyoncé can act
Rickytickytavy says:
Beyoncé's acting is worse than gaga's. madonna should win an oscar for being better than these two
A-Dolla says:
i like it... its deena the dyke
Rickytickytavy says:
LOL Beyoncé has an inner dyke
A-Dolla says:
all the acting between the singing is losing the momentum so much though... beyoncé's bit was nowhere near as powerful
Rickytickytavy says:
maybe they'll do an edited down version... GRAND CENTRAL STATION BIT WHERE SHE LIFTS UP HER PANTS ON HER ARSE
A-Dolla says:
lollies solange just queefed in disgust
Rickytickytavy says:
why is this now set on Dinnerladies? Japanese cooking show?
A-Dolla says:
why are they watching jamie foxx hyperventilate? DADDY KNOWLES WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH THAT CUSS WORD BEYONCE... DANCE SEQUENCE DANCE SEQUENCE
Rickytickytavy says:
if Beyoncé can't even say 'bitch' how can she say motherfucker?
A-Dolla says:
LOVE LOVE LOVE BEYONCÉ
Rickytickytavy says:
this dance bit is amazing

Exhausting.

"Keep Your Head Up": An Extended Discussion

CONVERSATION SUBJECT HERE.

Possum 1 says:
can we please have a moment
Possum 2 says:
yes?
Possum 1 says:
to address a very pressing issue... one of great urgency and importance to the lives of many
Possum 2 says:
yeeeeees?
Possum 1 says:
the girls can't poo-in-a-bucket video
Possum 2 says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES, LET'S... what have you got to say about it?
Possum 1 says:
it’s like someone's filmed an NME festival on the back lawn of Goldsmiths... all malnourished, pouting boys with ironic hair dos, terrible vintage clothing and orthopaedic shoes
Possum 2 says:
orthodontic?
Possum 1 says:
nah, that one that means feet or correctional foot facilities etc
Possum 2 says:
I KNOW! i was joking... jeez... but yes, how TRES GOLDSMITHS the video is
Possum 1 says:
I KNOW
Possum 2 says:
WHITE QUIFFS (of dover), RIPPED JEGGINGS
Possum 1 says:
and the girls... AHHHHH
Possum 2 says:
BLACK LEATHER WAISTCOATS STUDDED WITH DEATH
Possum 1 says:
preposterous boulder shoes
Possum 2 says:
so 'ironic'
Possum 1 says:
and catty, over made-up skull faces
Possum 2 says:
theey look SO AWKWARD! like, pouty pouty at the camera
Possum 1 says:
the one who looks like emma off of matt from busted sounds like she's speaking in an eastern european language and in tongues simultaneously
Possum 2 says:
which one's that?
Possum 1 says:
the one with the bob and coal rubbed round her eye-sockets
Possum 2 says:
oh her bob is HORRIBLE! OMG I JUST LISTENED AGAIN... ACTUALLY A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
Possum 1 says:
I know... I can't decide whether this is equally or more abominable than Pixie SantaGrotto
Possum 2 says:
hahaha LESS ABOMINABLE! at least the Girls Cunt Snatch one is catchy
Possum 2 says:
"I've got so many fantasies, even romanticies" - genuine lyric
Possum 1 says:
omg

The Loving Kind: A Discussion (of Sorts)

This is a transcript taken from two S&N contributors on the subject of the latest Girls Aloud single/video, "The Loving Kind". Names have been changed to protect identities and reputations. All of this is real and unedited, so please excuse the retardation.

WARNING: IT IS ADVISED THAT ALL READERS WATCH AFOREMENTIONED VIDEO SO THEY CAN KNOW WTF IS GOING ON.

*****************
Possum 2 says:
Cheryl's headband is horrible, Sarah looks really good and Nicola's wearing sexy tights
Possum 1 says:
kimba looks REALLY patronising
Possum 2 says:
Nicola's bit: AMAZING
Possum 1 says:
why does Cheryl look like a karate black belt expert?
Possum 2 says:
no idea
Possum 1 says:
Nadine looks grumpy
Possum 2 says:
Sarah looks amazing
Possum 1 says:
probs coz of her prune lippy
Possum 2 says:
why is Sarah suddenly the main singer?
Possum 1 says:
oooooh that's so their ploy: to feature her just a little bit more in each video until we forget about Nads
Possum 2 says:
HAH! i wouldn't complain... there's a shot of an amazing red shoe towards the end, but i have no idea who's wearing it
Possum 1 says:
the exposure's so high, they all look like they're made of tin foil and vaseline
Possum 2 says:
at least they're not doing choreography out of sync... their hands at the end of the Promise video are all doing different things
Possum 1 says:
Nicola is so petrified when she breaks the bottle... bless! also, have you seen the bit where Cheryl's impersonating the letter S going to the gyno?
Possum 2 says:
yes! i wanted them to do something more interesting with Nicola's hair
Possum 1 says:
yeah... but my favourite shots are as follows: Gingy waggling her finger,
then the following shot of Kimberly's cleavage, then Sarah at the beginning
Possum 2 says:
OMG I LOVE GINGY'S FINGER
Possum 1 says:
although she's wearing a Claire's Accessories bun net as a body stocking
Possum 2 says:
HAHAHA yes she is! i love when she masticates a strawberry
Possum 1 says:
all in all, its all a little late nineties early noughties fodder... sort of Dane Bowers video scenario
Possum 2 says:
definitely... reminds me of that video for that Elvis mashup thing they did
Possum 1 says:
urgh... yeah
Possum 2 says:
Little Less Conversation
Possum 1 says:
awful! its just so... done, which is a little disappointing
Possum 2 says:
it's like Cell Block Tango meets Cheap 90s Video Concept
Possum 1 says:
almost a Kotex advert with the red, black metallic colour scheme, n'est-ce pas?
Possum 2 says:
if i knew what Kotex was I'd agree
Possum 1 says:
sanitary towel company... always have red objects on the packaging
Possum 2 says:
OH YEAH! like those red chocolate hearts
Possum 1 says:
I wish they'd done like an astronaut geisha sort of set up with lots of moonwalking and cherry blossom... for some reason, I see it
Possum 2 says:
that sounds amazing!
Possum 1 says:
it's sort of Top of the Pops territory, which is a little odd... just looks like "we didn't have a great deal of time as Cheryl was too busy crying over Eoghahne and spitting at Dannii"
Possum 2 says:
yeah, bless Dannii... she went from having the most acts in the competition to being the only judge who has none
Possum 1 says:
conspiracy to make her feel even more inadequate
Possum 2 says:
yeah definitely
Possum 1 says:
sad, sad, sad... there's a bit before the 0:55 mark where she hits a wall and it is possibly THE MOST UNCOORDINATED MOVEMENT EVER!
Possum 2 says:
oh?
Possum 1 says:
I may be overdoing it... being a little liberal with the hyperbole... but it is the lowpoint of the video
Possum 2 says:
maybe... i really like Nic's tights
Possum 1 says:
yeah... very formula one
Possum 2 says:
it should have been them as socialites from the 50s wearing fur and things and sliding up and down banisters... well not like Mary Poppins, i just mean lounging on old staircases
Possum 1 says:
WHAT ABOUT THEIR SPACE SUITS? I thought we shared the same vision
Possum 2 says:
um... yeah someone could knock their head and have a dream about that... i sort of imagined them singing it as obedient 50s housewives, breaking out and murdering their husbands
Possum 1 says:
ooh... even more of the cell block tango
Possum 2 says:
and they could each have a different problem (eg. alcoholism) except IN NICE CLOTHES
Possum 1 says:
YES! why don't we manage them?
Possum 2 says:
we definitely should
Possum 1 says:
Nicola, here is your harp and some cherubs
Possum 2 says:
nicola... joanna newsom is producing your debut solo album... you will wear golden dresses and a crown and carry your orb and sceptre at all times
Possum 1 says:
and don't forget your leashed tiger and your peacocks... they're carrying your train anyway
Possum 2 says:
Nicola we have a golden pegasus for you to ride around on
Possum 1 says:
and a sphinx as your PA to always give your press statements in riddles and a griffin as your bodyguard
Possum 2 says:
"Nicola has 2 legs in the morning, 3 legs in the afternoon and a peacock in her bedroom": the official statement.